Jump-start Your Relationship
By Imani Powell, Special to AOL BlackVoices,
Posted: 2005-04-27 19:35:19
Suddenly the cuddly man who won your heart looks more like a slob then Prince Charming. Or
perhaps you’re finding your girlfriend's voice more irritating than ever before? You wish
she'd stop complaining about the toilet seat and whisper naughty things in your ear
instead. If picking up behind him and the kids, performing at work, doing the laundry and
balancing the checkbook makes romance the last thing on your mind, then most likely, the
honeymoon stage of your relationship has long been over!
Relationship coach Toni Coleman explains: "It's when you move past all of the excitement and buildup, past that stage where the endorphins are flying, and there is no longer that chemistry that surrounds anyone wrapped up in the newness of a relationship. In a nutshell, when reality sets in, then it’s time to talk about what needs to be done to maintain that relationship."
Lots of unavoidable life issues can lead to relationship disenchantment. Perhaps you're suddenly faced with emotional and financial hardship or maybe the kids make quality time nearly impossible. With that in mind, we asked Coleman for realistic tips on how to regain the sweaty palms and butterflies that you and your honey used to inspire in each other:
Make Love a Priority
No matter how stressed you've been at the job, or how busy or tiresome everyday life gets, start right away to make your relationship a priority. If you don't do something now, you'd better believe that things will progressively get worse. "Ignore your relationship and it will go away," Coleman warns. Literally schedule alone time with your mate or else it's just not going to happen.
Spend Quality Time
There is no excuse for not spending valuable intimate time, not even on that tight budget of yours. With a couple bucks, you and your baby can take a romantic trek to Wendy's, but leave the blackberry and cell at home. This is about the two of you, so be prepared to gaze into each other's eyes, hold hands and reconnect. Anywhere quiet will do except for the movie theater suggests Coleman: "Movies are distracting. Walk around a monument or find a restaurant with a quiet corner. Get away from all of it and really have some alone time."
Relationship coach Toni Coleman explains: "It's when you move past all of the excitement and buildup, past that stage where the endorphins are flying, and there is no longer that chemistry that surrounds anyone wrapped up in the newness of a relationship. In a nutshell, when reality sets in, then it’s time to talk about what needs to be done to maintain that relationship."
Lots of unavoidable life issues can lead to relationship disenchantment. Perhaps you're suddenly faced with emotional and financial hardship or maybe the kids make quality time nearly impossible. With that in mind, we asked Coleman for realistic tips on how to regain the sweaty palms and butterflies that you and your honey used to inspire in each other:
Make Love a Priority
No matter how stressed you've been at the job, or how busy or tiresome everyday life gets, start right away to make your relationship a priority. If you don't do something now, you'd better believe that things will progressively get worse. "Ignore your relationship and it will go away," Coleman warns. Literally schedule alone time with your mate or else it's just not going to happen.
Spend Quality Time
There is no excuse for not spending valuable intimate time, not even on that tight budget of yours. With a couple bucks, you and your baby can take a romantic trek to Wendy's, but leave the blackberry and cell at home. This is about the two of you, so be prepared to gaze into each other's eyes, hold hands and reconnect. Anywhere quiet will do except for the movie theater suggests Coleman: "Movies are distracting. Walk around a monument or find a restaurant with a quiet corner. Get away from all of it and really have some alone time."
Escape
Travel is a perfect way to rekindle the romance. For an extra thrill, surprise your lover with the tickets. Pack those bags and drop the kids with family. They’ll survive! For ultimate stress-free bonding, Coleman recommends a cruise. "A cruise is perfect because there is nothing to do but spend relaxing time with each other," she says. If you can’t get away, try checking into a local hotel for the weekend. Look for locations that have a pool or Jacuzzi and are in walking distance of a theater or nightclub.
Learn to Listen
Things break down if one party feels hurt or distanced, like the other person doesn't listen or is pushing them away. Create a space every day where you can discuss important feelings.
Be Affectionate
Put your arm around her, give him a peck or grab her goodies. It only takes a second to call your loved one "honey" or to say something supportive and re-affirming. Send a cute email or put a note in her briefcase. A simple gesture can make your partner want to come back home to you.
Be Supportive
Say "thank you" or "I appreciate that." "Women tend to do most of the housework, so we're reluctant to say thank you for the few chores he’s done," Coleman explains. "But it really goes a long way with guys in terms of encouragement and intimacy. A lot of men complain that their spouse only talks to them to complain about what they have or haven't done." A big turn-on is if a man is helpful as well: "Men, remember to be thoughtful and considerate. Tune into her feelings and say, 'I'll take care of it. You go and put your feet up.' That’s an aphrodisiac if there ever was one!"
Seek Guidance
If you've got serious issues (for example, if your mate is caught cheating or has spent all of your money gambling), seek professional counseling. Any relationship or marriage can be saved if both parties are motivated enough and are willing to address the concerns before it's too late.
About the Author
Imani Powell is a freelance writer based in New York City.
Travel is a perfect way to rekindle the romance. For an extra thrill, surprise your lover with the tickets. Pack those bags and drop the kids with family. They’ll survive! For ultimate stress-free bonding, Coleman recommends a cruise. "A cruise is perfect because there is nothing to do but spend relaxing time with each other," she says. If you can’t get away, try checking into a local hotel for the weekend. Look for locations that have a pool or Jacuzzi and are in walking distance of a theater or nightclub.
Learn to Listen
Things break down if one party feels hurt or distanced, like the other person doesn't listen or is pushing them away. Create a space every day where you can discuss important feelings.
Be Affectionate
Put your arm around her, give him a peck or grab her goodies. It only takes a second to call your loved one "honey" or to say something supportive and re-affirming. Send a cute email or put a note in her briefcase. A simple gesture can make your partner want to come back home to you.
Be Supportive
Say "thank you" or "I appreciate that." "Women tend to do most of the housework, so we're reluctant to say thank you for the few chores he’s done," Coleman explains. "But it really goes a long way with guys in terms of encouragement and intimacy. A lot of men complain that their spouse only talks to them to complain about what they have or haven't done." A big turn-on is if a man is helpful as well: "Men, remember to be thoughtful and considerate. Tune into her feelings and say, 'I'll take care of it. You go and put your feet up.' That’s an aphrodisiac if there ever was one!"
Seek Guidance
If you've got serious issues (for example, if your mate is caught cheating or has spent all of your money gambling), seek professional counseling. Any relationship or marriage can be saved if both parties are motivated enough and are willing to address the concerns before it's too late.
About the Author
Imani Powell is a freelance writer based in New York City.
2005-04-21 10:36:44
