Life & Style: Black Love

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'CBS Evening News' anchor Katie Couric interviewed First Lady Michelle Obama for Glamour's "Women of the Year" issue. In addition to talking to about the importance of role models, mentoring and her biggest surprise as first lady, Obama also shares with Couric what women should look for in their mate and when to dump someone.

"Cute's good, but cute only lasts for so long," says Obama. "Don't look at the bank book or the title, but look at the heart, look at the soul," she counsels young women who are looking for a mate. In President Obama, the first lady said she saw something "special."

"When you're dating a man, you should always feel good," says Obama. And if you don't -- DON'T MARRY HIM!

 

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Filed under: Celebrity Love

Some say chivalry is dead, but in Nick Cannon's world, a "woman should be treated like a precious queen with her crown held way up high." He holds an umbrella for his beloved wife, Mariah Carey, when it rains and protects her from the mobbing paparazzi.

In the recent years, Cannon has evolved into far more than just the funny kid with the big smile on Nickelodeon. We have watched him grow from comedian and film star to executive producer of his own hit TV shows. We've also watched intrigued as he swept one of the world's greatest pop icons off of her feet, only to be labeled "Mr. Mariah Carey." It makes you wonder: what qualities does this young brother possess to win the affections of such a woman? More importantly, what can he impart to some of the men whose "sensitivity chip" seems to be missing?

Recently, BV on Love caught up with Cannon and dating expert Anna David to discuss his current project with AXE and what men need to know about keeping women happy. According to Cannon, it all starts with sensitivity.

How did you form a partnership with AXE and dating expert Anna David for 'Sensitive Subject,' which helps men learn to be more sensitive?
I think it was just a no-brainer, because I am a sensitive dude. I have always been in touch with my sensitive side, and I think they recognized that. I don't know what it is. I must have some type of magic mojo, because I'm no Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington, but I've had my luck with the ladies. So I think it has something to do with my sensitivity.

You say you have this magic mojo. What qualities do you possess that women have found so appealing?

One, obviously, I think it's the sense of humor. And then, you know, being able to be nurturing. And, honesty, more than anything, those three things combined together make a good guy.

Why do you think men have such a hard time showing a woman their sensitive side?

It's insecurity more than anything. I mean, guys are taught at a young age that they have to put up this bravado in order to be a man, that they have to be tough. Toughness is just another word for being uncomfortable. It's like they're just uncomfortable in their own skin.

Some guys, unlike you, find it hard to share that side of themselves. What steps would you suggest for a man struggling in that particular area?

I think he should just evaluate his feelings. In any relationship, you should understand the value of the person you're with and express it to them. If they truly mean the world to you, you should let them know. It's that simple. It doesn't just have to be verbally. You can show your woman with your actions. There's a bunch of stuff you can tap into -- a nice card, some flowers, all of that stuff goes a long way.

It's interesting that New York is noted as one of the most romantic cities in the AXE campaign to help men tap into their sensitive side. The city is particularly important in your own life. What is it about New York?

Yes, New York was the place where I proposed to my wife. New York is a romantic city. It's one of those places where you can take a ride through Central Park on a horse and carriage. You can look at the skyline from the top of a roof. There are great restaurants, there are so many great places that you can go to get in touch with your sensitive side, to show your woman a good time, and show her that you understand. For example, a dude can show his woman his cultured side by taking her to see a late-night Broadway show. That's always a great way to make your woman think, "Wow, he's really sensitive; he likes the theater."

Are there any experiences, from your own life, particularly from your marriage to Mariah, that have taught you how to truly tap into a woman's needs?

Just understanding. I've learned patience from my marriage more than anything. And being able to always support her and elevate her in that way. I was always taught that a woman should be treated like a precious queen with her crown held way up high.

How do you keep your wife's days filled with love and happiness?

I like to do the unexpected. I'll surprise her with a nice card, the flowers. When you love someone, it's just that simple. I always take the time out of my day to remind my wife just how much I love her.

On the flip side, there are times when a man has to show his hard side and defend his woman's honor. You had to do that when Eminem attacked Mariah. What's your take on that?

Always, when it's necessary, a man has to stand firm. As a man, you have to be able to be a protector. As long as you're on the same terms as your woman, you have to do whatever you have to do to hold it down.

Do you perceive that perhaps some women don't like sensitive guys?

I think women want a well-rounded dude. If a dude is hard all the time -- like what you hard at breakfast for? -- there is no point in waking up hard core; but if you have a dude who is sensitive all the time, in those times when you need him to be a little stern or you need him to hold you down or protect you, you don't want him to be sensitive in those moments. A woman needs someone who understands the full range of their emotions.

http://xml.channel.aol.com/xmlpublisher/fetch.v2.xml?option=expand_relative_urls&dataUrlNodes=uiConfig,feedConfig,localizationConfig,entry&id=731720&pid=731719&uts=1254237449 http://www.aolcdn.com/ke/media_gallery/v1/ke_media_gallery_wrapper.swf Mariah: The Men In Her Life For Mariah Carey, having more #1 songs than any American solo artist has been a credit to the company she keeps. From her power wielding ex-husband Tommy Mottola and superstar slugger Derek Jeter to new hubby Nick Cannon, each man has played a significant role in the five-time Grammy winner's life. Blackvoices.com takes a look at the men behind the pop diva. Getty Images Mariah Through The Years

Mariah Through The Years:
For Mariah Carey, having more number one songs than any solo artist in America has been a credit to the company that this five-time Grammy winner has kept since making her music debut in 1990. From people behind the scenes like L.A. Reid and Jermaine Dupri to some of her past loves like Tommy Mottola, Derek Jeter and now husband Nick Cannon, each man has played a significant role in inspiring the music that has made this 39 year-old singer/songwriter famous. Blackvoices.com takes a look at the men who have inspired Mariah Carey over the years.

Tommy Mottola - Husband
No one is more responsible for Mariah Carey's success than former Columbia Records head Tommy Mottola. After receiving Carey's demo from artist Brenda K. Starr, for whom Carey sang backup, he signed her on the spot. While recording her 1990 debut, the two became romantically involved and tied the knot in a lavish ceremony in 1993. Just three short years later, they split, and a divorce was finalized in 1998.

Luther Vandross - Musical Collaborator
The five-octave singer was fortunate enough to be one of the few entertainers to record a duet with the late Luther Vandross. Their cover of Lionel Richie and Diana Ross's 'Endless Love' became Vandross' biggest pop hit. It was the second single released from his 'Songs' album and was also included on two Carey albums: 'Greatest Hits' in 2001 and 'The Ballads' in 2008.

Trey Lorenz - Backup Singer
In 1992, Carey performed an MTV 'Unplugged' special to show nonbelievers that she was not a studio singer. Her cover of the Jackson 5's 'I'll Be There' with her longtime backup singer Trey Lorenz was later released as a single and became a number-one hit in the United States. Lorenz was able to score a record deal from the duet, and Carey co-produced his debut. On July 7 of this year, the two performed the song at the Michael Jackson memorial, which was held at the Los Angeles Staples Center.

Jermaine Dupri - Producer
It's not a well-known fact that Jermaine Dupri has been working with Carey for nearly 15 years. In 1995, Carey worked with the So So Def Records founder on 'Always Be My Baby,' from her 'Daydream' album. It became the most successful record on U.S. radio that year. And though these two worked on several remixes together over the years, their magic came a decade later when J.D. produced four songs on 'The Emancipation of Mimi,' Carey's 10th studio album and most successful to date.

ODB - Musical Collaborator
Since rapping 'Me and Mariah go back like babies and pacifiers,' Ol' Dirty Bastard, the late Wu Tang Clan MC, helped solidify Carey in the world of hip-hop and R&B. The 1995 remix to 'Fantasy' became a number-one hit. The friendship between Carey and ODB lasted throughout the years. The songstress even met the rapper upon his release from jail in 2003.

Mase - Musical Collaborator
'Honey' was Carey's 12th number-one song. Before turning his life over to God and becoming a minster, Bad Boy rapper Mase appeared on the popular remix of the record, alongside the Lox and Diddy. The song, which also had its own video, was featured on Carey's 2003 remix compilations, aptly titled 'The Remixes.'

Derek Jeter - Alleged Beau
Shortly after divorcing husband Tommy Mottola in 1998, the five-time Grammy award winner met New York Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter at a Fresh Air Fund gala in New York. The couple connected over their interracial parents - black fathers and Irish mothers. The public romance ended short of the one-year mark. In an interview with Parade magazine, Carey said "It was the wrong time. ...Our two worlds were just too much for that moment."

Eminem - Alleged Beau
From 'Clown' to 'Obsessed,' Carey has documented her disdain for Detroit MC Eminem in her music. The 'Glitter' actress denies they ever slept together, but Slim Shady has consistently rapped that the two were intimate. The rapper, whose real name is Marshall Mathers, sent threats to Carey via the 2009 diss track 'The Warning,' which was directed at both Carey and her husband, Nick Cannon.

Nick Cannon - Husband
Nick Cannon, 28, dated singer-actress Christina Milian and was even engaged to Victoria's Secret model Selita Eubanks for five months before becoming Carey's second husband. In 2005, he convinced the Teen Choice Awards to let him present Carey's award for 'The Emancipation of Mimi.' Two years passed, and the couple was reunited in 2007. Their whirlwind romance resulted in a quickie wedding in 2008 at Carey's Bahamian estate, Windermere.

In marriage, does it become easier or more difficult to stay in touch with a woman's needs?

I think it's just one of those things about being in touch with yourself and being comfortable and secure with who you are. Everyone has emotions; no one is sensitive or hard core all the time. It's about just knowing yourself and knowing how to express yourself.

Ultimately, what do you hope that men can learn by your example?

Just to be comfortable with who they are instead of trying to be something they're not. I mean, we got too many dudes striving to be thugs, trying to emulate the people they see on TV and hear in music, instead of just being who they are. Ultimately, you have to be you at the end of the day.

From your perspective, what do all women want?
All women truly want to be comfortable. There are ways that you can make them comfortable. Whichever area a woman is uncomfortable in, if a man can provide comfort for her in that area, then you'll always win a woman over.

For more on Nick Cannon, visit: www.nickcannon.com

 

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Filed under: Dating, Relationships, Luv Coach

Beliefs are the foundation of who we are, what we think, what we choose to say and how we act. They can be positive and negative, and they shape our experiences in the world. If we have positive beliefs, the world responds to us in a positive way. However, when we have negative beliefs, we actually limit our life. A limiting belief plays a big role in having what you truly desire in your love relationships. When you are young, society instills these beliefs in you, but you do not have to hold on to them if they are not working for you. Your potential in love is limitless, and the key is to be aware of your own limiting beliefs. You want to create the environment that fosters attraction rather than settling for what ever comes your way? The first step is to be aware of them. Here are a few common limiting beliefs that may be getting in the way of you and your true love experience:

1. There aren't enough good men to go around. If you believe that statement, you will feel hopeless and will not even attempt to open yourself up to love. Positive Statement: There are plenty of fish in the sea, and one especially for me.
2. A man looks outside of his relationship for sex if he is not being taken care of right. This limiting belief creates fear in a relationship, and it turns love into a burden. Changing this limiting belief will help you see that someone loves you for you, and that you are enough. Positive Statement: I am enough.
3. I don't need to depend on anyone for help. This belief creates a wall between you and anyone who might be interested in getting to know you. It sends the message that no one is good enough for you, and that inevitably drives people away. If you want to experience a loving relationship, you have to learn to trust that you can depend on others. Positive Statement: I trust you
4. When I lose weight, I will start dating. Waiting to jump into love based upon a change in your weight will limit you from experiencing great love. You are sending the message that you don't accept yourself, so why should anyone else? Positive statement: I am perfect just the way I am.
5. I deserve a rich man. This sense of entitlement sends the message, "What can you do for me?" This is a turn off, and it pushes away anyone who doesn't fit into your idea of what a man should be. Positive Statement: I am open to meeting all types of people.
6. All men are dogs who only want sex/All women are gold diggers who only want money. Entering into the dating scene with this limiting belief will attract the exact people you were hoping to avoid. You cannot judge everyone based upon the actions of one. Positive Statement: Everyone is unique and special.
7. The only good men/women out there are already married. This belief makes you feel that it is useless to try to find a good partner, and it sets you up for failure before you have even begun to date. Positive statement: The world is full of great singles, and I am one of them.
8. Once I meet the right man, everything will be perfect. This limiting belief mires you in a fairy tale, and it hinders you from experiencing happiness in the moment. Putting all your hopes in the idea that your life will be complete once you have a partner sets you up for a big fall when the other person can't fill your expectations. Positive Statement: My life is beautiful, and I am the master of my own happiness.
9. Dating doesn't work. With this belief, you have taken yourself out of the game before it has even started. Positive Statement: Dating allows me to meet new and interesting people.
10. No one will like me because I am too poor/fat/ugly. This limiting belief tells the world that you are worthless, and if that is what you put out, that is how the world will see you. Positive Statement: I am lovable!
    

If you catch yourself thinking or saying a limiting belief, you should stop and think the exact opposite. If you think "I'm not good enough," you need to chuck out that limiting thought and replace it with "I am worthy!" You are in control of your experience, and steering your negative thoughts into positive ones will help you foster an environment that is ripe for love.

 

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Filed under: Travel, Weddings, Travel

Saying Your "I Do's" in The Motherland

Courtesy of Odyssey Couleur Magazine

By Ann Brown

When people think of exotic wedding locations, Africa might not be the first place to come to mind. But that is changing as more and more people each year head to the continent for their dream wedding. And exchanging vows in Africa is a lot easier than many may think-plus, the post-card perfect location possibilities are endless. There are travel agents specializing in African weddings, and many of the countries can provide you with information on where and how to get married in Africa. If something here strikes your fancy, your next step should be to contact the country's tourism board, which can provide a list of wedding planners, travel agents and packages for weddings.

Kenya: Lions and Tigers, Oh My...
According to Maisa Fernandez, spokesperson for the Kenya Tourism Board, Kenya is fast becoming a favorite wedding destination. And no wonder. Kenya offers a range of wedding choices: classic beach weddings, balloon weddings over the Masai Mara Game Reserve, wild bush weddings, traditional African weddings. A popular location is on the edge of Laikipia Plateau overlooking the Ewaso Nyiro River, where you can exchange vows at sunset.

Get married at the Mara Safari Club, Maasai Mara National Reserve, along the Tanzanian Border and the Serengeti National Park. Not only is the backdrop scenic, but this area is home to the highest concentration of game in Kenya and the largest lion population.

Tip: Couples marrying in Kenya are usually required to reside in Kenya for 21 days. However, if you apply for a Special License, you need only arrive in Kenya four working days in advance of your wedding day.

For more info: www.magicalkenya.com

Morocco: Like An African Queen
Just the name Morocco conjures up exotic images. The moment you land in Morocco, you feel transported to another time. There is so much to see in the country that mixes Arab, African and French cultures: kasbahs, Roman ruins, ancient cities. Your wedding guests can explore before and after the wedding, doing everything from shopping to riding donkey taxis to enjoying a spot of tea.

One of the most popular places for weddings in Morocco is La Mamounia in Marrakech, a former Moroccan palace that has been called one of the most beautiful hotels in the world. It's set in 300-year-old gardens and weddings are customized down to the last detail.

Tip: Before you marry, you'll need an affidavit translated into Arabic, which can be arranged through a Moroccan Embassy. Most types of marriages are permitted.

For more info: www.visitmorocco.org, www.mamounia.com

South Africa: Brides of the Bush
South Africa offers many destinations for weddings, with a wide variety of ceremony types-from a beach wedding to botanical garden settings to safari backdrops.

If it's romance you want, head to the banks of the Timbavati River, against a backdrop of African bush. The five-star Ngala Tented Safari Camp (www.ngala.co.za), on a private reserve within Kruger National Park, will arrange everything-including the ceremony, post-wedding dinner, honeymoon night accommodations, champagne bush breakfast and an afternoon game drive with a stop for cocktails served by a butler.

Others may enjoy a ceremony in the ivy-clad wedding chapel on the grounds of Blue Mountain Lodge, surrounded by indigenous bush, forest and farmland. The lodge also offers candlelit ceremonies at nightfall followed by a reception on the manicured lawns. After the ceremony, spend your honeymoon night in a villa with private pool and panoramic views of the mountains.

Tip: South Africa does have a somewhat detailed process for couples applying to get married in the country. In addition to the presenting the proper ID, you must complete an application process that may take up to eight weeks to be completed (you can do via the mail).

For more info: www.southafrica.net/satourism, www.bluemountainlodge.co.za

Tanzania: Out-of-Africa Vibe
Head to Tanzania for a truly unique ceremony. Say your wedding vows in a back-to-nature setting-then head for a honeymoon at an ultra-luxurious resort.

A favorite for couples is the Ngorongoro Crater Lodge. Here, bride and groom are escorted down the aisle by singing and chanting Masai. Then the ceremony can take place on the Tree Camp deck, which is covered with rose petals.

Tip: Like Kenya, Tanzania requires a stay of 21 days or more prior to the wedding. But you can apply for a Special License if this is not possible.

For more info: www.tanzaniatouristboard.com, www.ngorongorocrater.com

Zanzibar: Beach Nupitals
The mystical spice island of Zanzibar has some of the most spectacular beaches in the world. So it's no wonder they host countless oceanside weddings each year. And, with its pristine white sands and cool Indian Ocean breezes, Zanzibar is a hot spot to marry and honeymoon at any time of the year.

When planning your wedding here, you'll have lots of resorts to choose from, such as Breezes Beach Club (www.breezes-zanzibar.com) where they will arrange your wedding and honeymoon.

Tip: Zanzibar and Tanzania share a united government, so the same marriage rules apply for both.

For more info: www.tanzania.go.tz, www.zanzibargovernment.org, www.breezes-zanzibar.com

Zambia: Waterfall Weddings
Though Zambia is home to the breathtaking Victoria Falls, it has much more to offer: incredible wildlife, safaris, a rich culture and extremely friendly people. Say intimate "I do's" on a private island in the Zambezi River. Do so at the River Club, just upstream from Victoria Falls and home to 10 luxury chalets that can accommodate 20 people.

Tip: Zambia requires proper ID and paperwork.

For more info: www.zambiatourism.com

Ann Brown is a freelance writer based in New York.

 

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