Life & Style: Black Love

Filed under: Sexual Health

There are two things human beings do very well, run their mouths and, ahem...procreate.

Trust me, right now someone in this world, actually probably many people, are getting their collective freaks on, in famliar and unfamiliar ways. There are people who should be having sex as well as people who shouldn't (at least not with each other). Through the 2 million-year history of our species, every generation got here through the act of coitus, and nobody asked, "Was it good for you, baby?" because we were boning before we had learned to talk.

But, oddly enough, in modern times, we put far more societal emphasis on people flapping their jaws than people slapping their loins. The result is a lot less sex education than we need and reports like the one from the CDC that says sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise -- particularly since the Bush administration did everything it could to eliminate sex ed from classrooms.

In fairness, the people offering the report say that better testing is revealing that more people are walking around burning, which is actually a good thing. Medical science isolating a disease and then treating it is how we eradicate it. But the fact that instances of diseases like chlamydia being the most ever reported last year (at 1.2 million cases) and syphillis making a comeback (despite being nearly annihilated a decade ago) points to lax attitudes about our sexual health. (Note: I don't believe in terms, like, "safe sex," because your sexual behavior should be a part of your overall outlook on health.)

Now the funniest thing about the chlamydia rate is that it is reported highest in teenaged girls and affecting African Americans worst of all. If we look back a few years to the previous administration, where President Goerge W. Bush insisted that the best sex ed was "abstinence only" instruction, technically, he was right. The only sure fire way to not get pregnant or go home with extra luggage is to keep your skivvies pulled up at all times.

With that said, how many teens actually did that? Remember as I said earlier, as a species, we've been doing it for a couple million years. There is nothing in the way we construct our societies that would suggest teaching teenagers -- who are just discovering their sexual virility -- that abstinence is something they can easily uphold despite their base instincts telling them otherwise.

Don't get me wrong, we'd all like to think our teenaged daughters are "saving it" and that our young sons are waiting for "the one." The truth is, though, times have changed and as a society we are just more liberal about sex. So why shouldn't the way we educate our youth about sex reflect that?

This isn't to say that we should be teaching 15-year-olds advanced whipped cream and honey methods or making the Kama Sutra a high school textbook (besides it probably wouldn't replace Juggs in any boy's locker anyway). But we should be teaching young people to be responsible with their bodies, to respect themselves, making them understand that sex isn't a toy or a weapon, and that like anything else, there is a consequence for their choices. Most importantly, we should teach that if they do choose sex, there are alternatives to "barebacking it" that would protect them in the short and long term.

Now, I know there are a lot of people who disagree with me wholeheartedly on this matter, primarily because of their political or religious views. But I've gotta challenge them with this: I've seen urban clinics passing out condoms, giving out birth control advice, and literature on sexual health that very, very significantly reduced the number of STDs and teen pregnancies in whole communities -- but they are constantly fighting for funds and resources to do their work.

On the other hand, every black community I know is full of preachers and politicians, and I have yet to hear any of them report that they actually prevented the spread of HIV, herpes, syphillis, gonnorhea, genital warts or any other disease, or reduced teen pregnancy. But there always seems to magically be funding and resources for them.

So yeah, this post was more parental discretion advised, but believe me, I can't even get as blunt as I'd like to. Still the message is that when it comes to our health, knowledge is to overall prevention what Viagra is to... well, you know.

 

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Filed under: Celebrity Love, Dating

R&B singer Pleasure P, 24 recently confirmed that he is indeed dating actor and comedian Eddie Murphy's eldest daughter Bria. The singer and the 19-year-old model were spotted by the paps in Atlanta a few weeks ago and then at Chicago's WGCI radio station when Bria tagged along for her beau's interview. Although he told host Loni Swain that the two were "very good friends," he later spilled the beans when he admitted that Bria's father, Eddie, gave the couple his blessing. Someone clearly can't keep a secret!

Pleasure P, a former member of the singing group Pretty Ricky, has a 5-year old son, but we hope this relationship is baby-mama drama free! Murphy has been creating quite the buzz on the Hollywood scene due to her budding modeling career. Recently, she played the role of the leading lady in newly-incarcerated rapper Gucci Mane's latest music video. She will also be making an appearance on the 'America's Next Top Model' finale, airing tonight. Eddie will be in the audience cheering his daughter on. Do your thing, Bria!

 

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Filed under: Relationships, Marriage, E Male

A long time ago I was schooled: Most women get married hoping their spouses will change; most men get married hoping their wives won't. It's a classic conflict of expectations between the genders, although a bit lopsided. Men are being out-maneuvered at every turn. It's embarrassing. This is a matter of lifestyle versus wifestyle, the latter being defined by a woman's overhaul of a man's habits, attitudes, behavior and sensibilities. Only the strong survive. Most men don't.

By the time they figure out what hit them, it's too late. Their wardrobe is full of dad jeans, pleated shorts and plaid boxers. Friends have been run off like trespassers. The dirty talk has been disinfected. The honey-to-do list reads like a modern-day version of the Dead Sea Scrolls. He's cooked and barely aware of it; the proverbial frog in the boiling water. Damn shame.

You know what I'm talking about.

Either you've seen this guy, you are this guy or you actually did it to this guy. But in some cases, they're not so easy to identify. There are a few, who have managed to hold on to a sliver of their old selves and still project a smidgen of cool when in public. And when you see one, you think you've spotted something rare - the married man who has successfully negotiated the terms of marriage and manhood. And you can't look away. It's like sighting an albino koala bear. But not so fast.

Check the basement. Yes, the basement. If dude has a man cave that he couldn't be more proud of, he's living the wifestyle, regardless of what his outward appearance may suggest. The tricked-out basement with all the male amenities: flat screen, Blu-ray, Xbox, pool table, wet bar, unused bench press in the corner, you name it. As far as he's concerned, it's like foreign soil or sovereign territory that she can't invade. Show me a man cave and, nine out of time out of 10, I'll show you a man living the life of a relationship refugee in search of personal asylum in his own home. Sad.

For the woman, on the other hand, life is all good. Or is it? The husband is officially domesticated, and Lifetime HD is running a weekend movie marathon of scorned women getting revenge in cruel and unusual ways. But there's a problem, besides her viewing habits. Even though nine out of 10 men fall like dominoes and succumb to the wifestyle, close to 50 percent of marriages still end in divorce. And there is a reason. Dude downstairs in the man cave is a ticking time bomb. It may take years, but at some point he gets bored and restless. Other than a mad albino koala bear, nothing could be worse than a bored and restless man looking to restore man law and order. This is when marriages go sideways. Most men eventually emerge from hibernation and raise hell by overcompensating for the years they lost sequestered in the wifestyle. Can anyone say mid-life crisis at thirtysomething? It's not pretty.

Advice to both parties: Married men, be good husbands, but stop letting your wives shape and mold you like putty. Modify your lifestyle, as you should, but don't swap it for the wifestyle. In the long-run, she'll appreciate it and respect you more. Married women, don't do it. Don't wifestyle him. Because once he's bored and boring, you and the relationship will be even more bored and boring. Granted, a man who maintains his male identity and instincts is always a gamble. But a man without them is always a bit of a goof. One is sexy; one is safe. Let me suggest that the two of you find the middle ground. Life is too short to be emasculated, and the marriage will likely be even shorter.

Mason Jamal writes about issues pertaining to the style, substance and sensibilities of men (and sometimes women). For more of his musings, you can visit www.MasonSays.com. You can also follow him on Twitter @masonsays.

 

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Filed under: Travel, Weddings, Travel

Saying Your "I Do's" in The Motherland

Courtesy of Odyssey Couleur Magazine

By Ann Brown

When people think of exotic wedding locations, Africa might not be the first place to come to mind. But that is changing as more and more people each year head to the continent for their dream wedding. And exchanging vows in Africa is a lot easier than many may think-plus, the post-card perfect location possibilities are endless. There are travel agents specializing in African weddings, and many of the countries can provide you with information on where and how to get married in Africa. If something here strikes your fancy, your next step should be to contact the country's tourism board, which can provide a list of wedding planners, travel agents and packages for weddings.

Kenya: Lions and Tigers, Oh My...
According to Maisa Fernandez, spokesperson for the Kenya Tourism Board, Kenya is fast becoming a favorite wedding destination. And no wonder. Kenya offers a range of wedding choices: classic beach weddings, balloon weddings over the Masai Mara Game Reserve, wild bush weddings, traditional African weddings. A popular location is on the edge of Laikipia Plateau overlooking the Ewaso Nyiro River, where you can exchange vows at sunset.

Get married at the Mara Safari Club, Maasai Mara National Reserve, along the Tanzanian Border and the Serengeti National Park. Not only is the backdrop scenic, but this area is home to the highest concentration of game in Kenya and the largest lion population.

Tip: Couples marrying in Kenya are usually required to reside in Kenya for 21 days. However, if you apply for a Special License, you need only arrive in Kenya four working days in advance of your wedding day.

For more info: www.magicalkenya.com

Morocco: Like An African Queen
Just the name Morocco conjures up exotic images. The moment you land in Morocco, you feel transported to another time. There is so much to see in the country that mixes Arab, African and French cultures: kasbahs, Roman ruins, ancient cities. Your wedding guests can explore before and after the wedding, doing everything from shopping to riding donkey taxis to enjoying a spot of tea.

One of the most popular places for weddings in Morocco is La Mamounia in Marrakech, a former Moroccan palace that has been called one of the most beautiful hotels in the world. It's set in 300-year-old gardens and weddings are customized down to the last detail.

Tip: Before you marry, you'll need an affidavit translated into Arabic, which can be arranged through a Moroccan Embassy. Most types of marriages are permitted.

For more info: www.visitmorocco.org, www.mamounia.com

South Africa: Brides of the Bush
South Africa offers many destinations for weddings, with a wide variety of ceremony types-from a beach wedding to botanical garden settings to safari backdrops.

If it's romance you want, head to the banks of the Timbavati River, against a backdrop of African bush. The five-star Ngala Tented Safari Camp (www.ngala.co.za), on a private reserve within Kruger National Park, will arrange everything-including the ceremony, post-wedding dinner, honeymoon night accommodations, champagne bush breakfast and an afternoon game drive with a stop for cocktails served by a butler.

Others may enjoy a ceremony in the ivy-clad wedding chapel on the grounds of Blue Mountain Lodge, surrounded by indigenous bush, forest and farmland. The lodge also offers candlelit ceremonies at nightfall followed by a reception on the manicured lawns. After the ceremony, spend your honeymoon night in a villa with private pool and panoramic views of the mountains.

Tip: South Africa does have a somewhat detailed process for couples applying to get married in the country. In addition to the presenting the proper ID, you must complete an application process that may take up to eight weeks to be completed (you can do via the mail).

For more info: www.southafrica.net/satourism, www.bluemountainlodge.co.za

Tanzania: Out-of-Africa Vibe
Head to Tanzania for a truly unique ceremony. Say your wedding vows in a back-to-nature setting-then head for a honeymoon at an ultra-luxurious resort.

A favorite for couples is the Ngorongoro Crater Lodge. Here, bride and groom are escorted down the aisle by singing and chanting Masai. Then the ceremony can take place on the Tree Camp deck, which is covered with rose petals.

Tip: Like Kenya, Tanzania requires a stay of 21 days or more prior to the wedding. But you can apply for a Special License if this is not possible.

For more info: www.tanzaniatouristboard.com, www.ngorongorocrater.com

Zanzibar: Beach Nupitals
The mystical spice island of Zanzibar has some of the most spectacular beaches in the world. So it's no wonder they host countless oceanside weddings each year. And, with its pristine white sands and cool Indian Ocean breezes, Zanzibar is a hot spot to marry and honeymoon at any time of the year.

When planning your wedding here, you'll have lots of resorts to choose from, such as Breezes Beach Club (www.breezes-zanzibar.com) where they will arrange your wedding and honeymoon.

Tip: Zanzibar and Tanzania share a united government, so the same marriage rules apply for both.

For more info: www.tanzania.go.tz, www.zanzibargovernment.org, www.breezes-zanzibar.com

Zambia: Waterfall Weddings
Though Zambia is home to the breathtaking Victoria Falls, it has much more to offer: incredible wildlife, safaris, a rich culture and extremely friendly people. Say intimate "I do's" on a private island in the Zambezi River. Do so at the River Club, just upstream from Victoria Falls and home to 10 luxury chalets that can accommodate 20 people.

Tip: Zambia requires proper ID and paperwork.

For more info: www.zambiatourism.com

Ann Brown is a freelance writer based in New York.

 

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