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Ages & Stages > Sister 2 Sister
Why are some black women bitter n mean?(379)
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but my kids would come first if i had to chose cause i know i would make it worth his wait after i took care of my kids
This is one of the reasons for divorce, and the kids end up not being "first" but the product of a broken home with only their mother and no father..... The husband/wife relationship has to come first so the kids can be raised in a home where mommy and daddy are still together and love each other. The children are the secondary relationship to the husband/wife relationship.
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and i tend to disagree. husband and wife cant spend time if the kids arent taken care of first.
I'm not saying that the kids are not to get fed, for example, because the husband and wife are spending time together,,, that's neglect.,, children are not to be neglected. But the primary "relationship" is the husband/wife relationship,, and as a strong husband/wife team, they together see to the needs of the children... The HUSBAND is to be the wife's priorty, and the WIFE is to be the husbands priorty,,,, and together they raise the children... This keeps the family unit intact...This is God's way.
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guess it pains me to see other races of people speak to one another
whether they know each other or not in public and with my own people
from personal experience and observation we do not.
This used to hurt my feelings when I left Texas & moved to Florida & California. I was so used to folks being casually polite, but out here in L.A. it's like a crime to make full eye contact w/someone or smile. At first, I let it affect me, but now, I make eye contact & smile anyway. It don't hurt & take nothing away from me to do it. I'm not gonna let other people stop me from being who I am, make me uncomfortable b/c they are uncomfortable. Really, it don't hurt. Most the time, folks want to smile back, just not enough people do it, so they feel like they don't have to or shouldn't. Has to do w/ Social Norms (and other deeply rooted slavery conditioning that we haven't seemed shake...but that's another post). Great post by the way! Agape. |
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Hi again Sheba! I enjoyed your post! Thank you for sharing.
Shalom, Dream Live Shyne It is never too late to be what you might have been. ~ George Elliot |
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Hi again Black! “All women at some point if pushed the wrong way, can become bitter and mean” No one is denying this at all. “thread in a sister to sister forum, and having dudes come in to respond is not forbidden.” Again no one said it was. It appears that you didn’t fully read the thread and don’t understand the point of a Black Voices forum. If I wanted to hear other opinions specifically I would have put it in a general thread. (Men, greens, whites, blacks, tans and oranges can respond if they would like) My point is I put in this forum because this was the proper place for which I was addressing the question to. “but to come out and make it seem that black women are the ones with issues, do a study on why there are so many females heading the homes of black families today...find out why there is so much infidelity in the black community, find out why there is so many broken homes and marriages...the answers to all of these questions may come to surprise you, but it is not because females are bitter n mean...” While I would not say it is the sole reasoning for those issues it is definitely a contributor to all of those issues. Granted that is a completely different thread in itself. Honestly I think you missed the point of the thread and became upset and combative. I am not judging people by asking a question. It is called holding a discussion. You began to make it personal and try to attack me when it is merely a point of discussion. That in...[Message truncated]
It is never too late to be what you might have been. ~ George Elliot |
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guess it pains me to see other races of people speak to one another whether they know each other or not in public and with my own people from personal experience and observation we do not. I am truly sorry for your pain in seeing other races of people speak to another whether they know each other or not in public...In my area of Metro Atlanta we don't have this issue...Black people speak, but I will say that some people just stare, and if I catch them doing so I speak and usually they respond in kind...Especially with males this happens a lot, and I have chalked it up to the fact that there are a lot of hurting people in the world...People are usually nice if we take the time to get to know them, but again many people who don't know you will seem like they are uncaring...Working at Bank of America, Enterprise Rent A Car, UPS, U.S. Army, Captain D's Seafood, Mc.Donalds, and Aramark Aviation /Delta Airlines, I have came into contact with many people, and I have found out that there is a kindred spirit in all of us...We have to reach out like Christ did...I am moving on but as another guy posted his views here, I think we limit ourselves when we become exclusive...btjm...God bless!!! |
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ok.... so be it. but i had had a different encounter with my dads ex fiancee. he put her first sooo many time it made me sick. i would try to do everything within my limits to make him happy ...keep my room clean,, do homework with out being told ... and then there is my brother that got raised by his mom and i love his mom but my dads side lets him get away with murder. never was taught shackin up was ok. which he is doing. he would get good a**jobs and just stop going... he would get these job without a high school diploma. which i had and i couldnt drive then and my grandma who i helped take care of vouched for him to get a car instead of my dad teaching me how to drive and i had graduated from high school and was going to college. i just recently graduated as an massage therapist and my brother doesnt have anything to show but not making car payments to my dad and a wrecked car and he is almost thirty and im twenty- two. see the difference. but yet men get women and they dont have s*** to show for their lives while a woman with an college education has a tougher time attracting someone of the same status or aleast with a good career. i do everything im suppose to do now what is wrong with me to the point i cant attact my future husband? |
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You are right again. We all need to make an honest effort to stem our anger, especially if we are calling ourselves Christians. I live in a state where the majority of the populace is white. When I do come accross black females we stare at each other I may speak, but I'm usually met with a hard stare. Therefore, my shyness keeps me from making any contact. One of my resolutions for this upcoming year is to be more outgoing .... I don't think it's shyness as much as being a loner. I'm very happy in my own space and company and I don't really want or wish for the company of others other than my husband. Plus we both work 2 jobs and only have time for ourselves when were home.
You know I wonder too if this is so common to women of color because of the way we are preceived socially. We are shown in the media as "the angry black woman, oversexed , easy and unattractive". Our own men have no respect for us at times. I 'm appalled at the many jokes made by black comedians at our expense regarding our hair. White comedians don't do that to their counterparts. White women have had so much surgery, hair extensions, weaves, tattoes and piercings that God won't know who they are in the hereafter!!! But their men very rarely mention what they do to beautify themselves. I've heard our preachers on TV do the same thing. Hello some maybe wearing wigs because of cancer treatments. I personally don't care...I change my style with the change of my moods and if no one likes it don't look. I think our anger maybe a defense mechanism. Pam |
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Hi Pam, I completely agree with everything you said that was a great post. “I think our anger maybe a defense mechanism.” I think on some level anger definitely is utilized as a defense mechanism. With good reason too I just don’t think it is effective. Shalom, DreamLiveShyne It is never too late to be what you might have been. ~ George Elliot |
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i just recently graduated as an massage therapist and my brother doesnt have anything to show but not making car payments to my dad and a wrecked car and he is almost thirty and im twenty- two. see the difference. but yet men get women and they dont have s*** to show for their lives while a woman with an college education has a tougher time attracting someone of the same status or aleast with a good career. I see what you're saying...
i do everything im suppose to do now what is wrong with me to the point i cant attact my future husband?... I you believe that your future husband must have a college degree, you may be missing out on some good and Godly black man who just happen to be blue collar workers. The most important thing is to find a person who loves God so God can show him how to love you... College degrees are good to have but they cannot hold a marriage together... And while a man should work to help support his family,, LOVE is what keeps a family together so that your children won't have to be raised is a broken home. Have you prayed and asked God to pick your husband for you?... Are you ready to be a wife?... How well do you understand marriage and men?.. These are some of the questions that you have to start asking yourself.
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but that is one of the main causes people break up. is over money matters.
Yes, it does take money to live... food, shelter, clothing, transportation, etc....But the relationship with no money problems will still fail if Love and friendship is not the foundation of the relationship... Love and friendship and God should come first, then money.... Many women regret marrying men they don't love and men who don't love her.
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I agree with what you said. I think God is love so the relationship with Him must be first. I think when the focus is on God the intimacy of that relationship will be the foundation for other intimate relationships. “Many women regret marrying men they don't love and men who don't love her.” I think is a reflection of the absence of the relationship with God or the presence of disobedience within that relationship.
Shalom, DreamLiveShyne It is never too late to be what you might have been. ~ George Elliot |
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Oh my goodness I thought it was just me! I don't know why this is the case but its is pathetic!At work I pretty much
just stay to my self but I'm friendly too and I talk to all women blk
and white but the sisters are so hard to talk to I dunno. I feel as though I'm being extra nice to them with no avail! But at work i think its more of a competition.I think that some women are insecure they size up each other left and right. Will it kill you to say hello to a women who is going through the same thing you are? But if i see a sista on the street I always say hello even if she doesn't. o.
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Oh my goodness I thought it was just me! I don't know why this is the case but its is pathetic!At work I pretty much just stay to my self but I'm friendly too and I talk to all women blk and white but the sisters are so hard to talk to I dunno. I feel as though I'm being extra nice to them with no avail! But at work i think its more of a competition.I think that some women are insecure they size up each other left and right. Will it kill you to say hello to a women who is going through the same thing you are? But if i see a sista on the street I always say hello even if she doesn't. o.
No it is not just you. I get realy sick of the angry black woman syndrome. But I get even sicker of hearing excuses made for us. We is accountable only to God and I do not care what some man have done or how bad our childhood was - we still must live our lives for the Lord and get over our hurts because it will eat us like a cancer.
And to all the angry sisters out there - get over yourselves.
"We can't expect the American People to jump from Capitalism to Communism - But we can assist their elected leaders in giving them small doses of Socialism, until they awaken one day to find that they have Communism."
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You are so right on. Not only is it not effective, but it makes me feel stupid afterwards, you look stupid, immature and all involved are left with bad feelings. Nothing is accomplished except you look and feel a fool. What's past is past and I myself do try to make an effort to break this generational curse on my family. Shalom, My sister Pam |
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so do you acknowlegde that that is why alot of marriages break up is because of financial troubles. if you talk to divorced people they would tell you is differences or fiancial problems.
Yes, financial problems do sometimes cause divorce, but not always because a person isn't making enough... Sometimes it's because someone is just SPENDING too much, maybe she is a shop-a-holic.... Maybe they both or not disciplined enough to live by a BUDGET.... Maybe one or the other does not feel LOVED or APPRECIATED and that person is spending money trying to satisfy an EMOTIONAL need.
There are many people who make well over $100,000 household income, but end up filling bankruptcy and get divorced...
So my point is that not making enough money is only sometimes the reason for having financial problems... Regardless of the amount of income, if the relationship is not based on love, there will STILL be financial problems in most cases.
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