Don't Blame it on Rio: Black Men & Sex Abroad

By Felicia Pride

There's a phenomenon sweeping the African American community: Black men traveling to places like Brazil and the Dominican Republic for sex. A new book Don't Blame It on Rio: The Real Deal Behind Why Men Go to Brazil for Sex (Grand Central Publishing, April 2008) by Jewel Woods and Karen Hunter attempts to get to the heart of this issue and show that it's bigger than "getting some." More than Words spoke with Woods who also founded the Renaissance Male Project, a nonprofit advocacy and accountability organization for men and boys. Check out this eye-opening, eyebrow-raising interview with Woods about sex, love, and the widening divide between African American men and women. And when you're finished, click here to read an excerpt of Don't Blame It on Rio.

More than Words: The idea for Don't Blame it on Rio stemmed from the question, "Are black women necessary?" What factors contributed to this point in time when such a question even exists?

Jewel Woods: To be specific, the question "Are black women necessary?" was the direct result of what many men were asking or raising explicitly. In a broader sense, the question is rooted in the social facts that we are all aware of regarding the decline in marriage, the high rates of divorce and separation, the disproportionate rates of inter-racial marriage, and so on. However, most discussions about black men, marriage and relationships focus on poor and working poor men and their inability to be providers or the "strain" of not being able to assume traditional roles within the family. Very few discussion look at the group of black men with stable jobs or the group commonly referred to as the Love Jones Cohort that are increasingly single and living alone to examine what their issues are with building and sustaining long term relationships.

So taking a more expansive view, the question "Are black women necessary?" seeks to address the question: If men are not thinking of black women as partners, spouses, or as being in long term relationships, then what are they thinking of black women as? More importantly, what attitudes, belief systems, and values will replace the historical roles women played in men's lives?

MTW: For those who aren't aware of the phenomenon that your book addresses, can you provide a quick overview?

JW: In a very real sense, the book is about how Brazil has become the new "North" representing "freedom and liberation" in the minds and imaginations of many black men. In particular, the book is about why some of the most coveted and accomplished men in the African American community are increasingly taking physical, and often emotional, and psychological trips away from America and from black women. In the book, middle class and profession black men talk candidly about what they feel like they are denied in America by whites and from women, and how important their experiences and their interactions with women from other cultures becomes in their lives. The book looks at various aspects of black men's lives to see how black men and women got to this point and what the implications are for our community. In general, the book examines the complexity and contradictions of black men by exploring the burgeoning phenomenon of sex tourism in Brazil and other locations.

MTW: How is this phenomenon affecting the African American community?

JW: Professionals that work with families will say that in many instances, the involvement of a third party can help decrease anxiety between two parties by spreading that tension through a third relationship. That's why a therapist or a clinician can be helpful to dissipate some of the tension and anxiety that emerges among couples. The problem with Brazil as the third party in the relationship between black men and women, is that as a country, and/or as the other women, Brazil is casting a shadow that is so large in the minds and imaginations of black men that it is unleashing emotional forces that don't allow men to see what their true issues are. So while Brazil may allow black men to let off steam about what they feel about America and black women, it also freezes those issues in place by not requiring that they deal with issues. As a result, black men and women appear to be caught in this emotional, cultural, sexual triangle with Brazil serving as the backdrop.

In the short run, what appears to happen after men take these trips, is that they come back with new perspectives on relationships, on sex and sexuality, on America, on other black men, and certainly on black women. In the long run we don't know yet how the black community will be affected by the experiences men have overseas. In fact, it may be quite a while before we can fully assess the depth and impact of this phenomenon. Overall, I believe this phenomenon is affecting men by providing a safety valve for them to hide issues that they have in their relationships with black women in America. For women, these experiences overseas create a powerful alternative to the very idea of black women and their role in long term relationships in men's lives. There has never been a time when black women were considered a-sexual or frigid and it not be attributed to their age. Similarly, there has never been a time when a group of women who were "neither black nor white" could capture the image of beauty so completely the way that Brazilian women have. Black men do not have to feel guilty by choosing white women. The old adage "Once you go black you never go back" has been replaced with a new adage of "Once you go to Brazil you will have to come back again."

MTW: What are the most significant reasons why black men are traveling to places like Brazil for sex?

From the Preface of Don't Blame it on Rio:
At a minimum, black men make trips overseas for physical reasons that include sex. However, many have experienced a level of physical and sexual intimacy, a sort of sexual healing, that they see as lacking in many of their current relationships with black women. They also make these trips for cultural reasons. They describe a deep embrace and recognition to a people, a time and a land that they do not get here in the United States and do not see in black women. Most importantly, these men increasingly travel overseas because of a profound sense of identity that they find and create on these trips. So what they ultimately end up paying for is access to an elite male experience, and intercourse with a set of beliefs and ideas about black manhood that they think are denied to them by black women in America. The problem is that during these journeys, sometimes consciously but also unconsciously, black men are led further away from black women--not just physically, but also emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.

JW: In their attempt to understand and sometimes justify their actions, these men also begin to develop some of the most sophisticated, demeaning, and denigrating ideas about black women in the process. The result, many African American men do not see black women in the roles that they did during the times when a commitment to the black family was less volitional. In the end, their conclusion is that black women are no longer necessary.

So the title of the book is very misleading in a way. It is difficult to talk about sex tourism and not mention sex, but the book is much more about sexuality than it is about sex. Consequently, it would be a huge mistake for anybody--especially black women--to assume that men travel overseas just to get their "freak on." Some men may even argue that it's all about sex, but it's not correct. In fact, the belief or attitude that black men travel thousands of miles for what they could easily get here in the U.S. is precisely the contradiction that the book seeks to explore.

So despite the title of the book, I would caution anyone to think that men are guided solely or mainly by their little head, rather than their big head. If nothing else, this book explores two prevalent myths in today's culture about black men: 1) black men don't think, and 2) black men don't talk. On the contrary, most of these men highlighted in this book are deeply reflective, opinionated and articulate about their experiences and beliefs about America and black women. This is one of the main reasons why they are so important, because they create some of the most sophisticated explanations and justifications for their experiences. So to conclude that this is all about sex is to conflate why black men feel conflicted in America and in their relationships with black women in the first place, and to ignore the reasons why men continue to go back year after year, sometimes re-locating there.

Finally, I believe that it is less painful to believe that men travel thousands of miles for sex, than it is to consider that these physical trip overseas actually reflect something more substantial, like the possibility of a more emotional, psychological, and spiritual trip away from black women. However, this is exactly why these men's stories in the book should not be easily dismissed or discarded.

MTW: What do black men feel like they're not getting from black women at home?

JW: The dilemma is that part of what men feel like they are not getting from black women is also connected with what they feel like they are not getting from America as well.

Based on some of the things that men discuss in the book, many men feel like they are not getting a chance to be seen as individuals by black women. Either because of the past histories that black women had with other men that was the source of their pain or frustration, or because of the fact that because these men are now a part of a class that has supposedly "made it," they feel like they are idealized or objectified.

Men also seem to feel like they are not getting the type of physical and emotional care that they think they need and deserve. For a class of black men that work at some of the highest levels of America there is a feeling that they want peace in their household. I point out in the chapter "She Acts Like A Man" that men may confuse peace with submission, but there is a sense that black men want their homes to be different than their work environment. In other areas, black men seem to want black women to be physically smaller, they want black women to be more exploratory in their sexuality and a host of other things.

MTW: Do black male insecurities play a factor in the equation?

Answer: I think it is mistake to think of men's behaviors in dichotomous terms of "weak" or "strong." Meaning, some people will believe that a "strong" man will not participate in these types of experiences or attitudes and behaviors that are discussed in the book. What I try to emphasize to people is that by almost every standard these are "good" men who are high achievers, self-actualized, not followers. They are handsome and not handsome, athletic, non-athletic, sexual and not sexual. In other words, they run the gamut of men. So it is neither easy nor accurate to categorize these men as being deficient in some particular way. In fact, what makes this phenomenon so dynamic is that you get such a wide variety of men that participate in these experiences abroad.

In general, these men-like many others I have worked with-have fears about not being seen both for who they are as individuals as stated earlier, they have fears about getting older, they fear being judged by women, and they profoundly fear not being able to perform in situations either sexually, socially, or professional. In addition, they fear not being connected with other men, they fear stepping outside of a circle of heterosexuality that might make them appear to be "less than men" which often leads to a compulsive heterosexuality. However, it is also true that men fear and are hurt by a lack of connections with their children so they entertain thoughts of taking their sons to Brazil. Men fear and are hurt by believing that working hard as a black man in America rarely pays off they way that it seemingly does for white males. They are also angered and shamed by the idea of black poor men exerting more influence over their culture and community than they do. Finally, they fear the "feminization" of professional categories by both black and white women.

The point I would simply make here is that there is no easy way to identify which individual man is at risk for participating in this phenomenon. He can be a brother, a cousin, a co-worker, or a spouse. He can be fat, ugly, handsome, funny, or quiet. Any man that has been in a bad relationship or marriage is at risk for going. Any man that feels like he has been denied something based on his race or because of women is at risk of going. Any man that knows of any man like the ones just mentioned is at risk of going, and certainly any man that has friends that have gone or a friend of a friend that has gone, is at risk for going to Brazil and other places. In a sense, any man that has the insecurity, privilege, and burden of being born black is at risk of going.

MTW: Did you find that the black men you interviewed who traveled for sex had health concerns especially with the global rate of HIV/AIDS?

JW: This is just one example, but I remember talking to a group of men that went just after a outbreak was reported in the Brazilian/Rio porn industry, where reportedly one of the popular black male porn stars was either infected or was infecting Brazilian women in the adult entertainment industry. What I remember most was how well researched they were, but no, they did not appear to be concerned before they went, nor did they have much to say about it when they returned.

I should mention though, that in the beginning of this work I was very intentional about staying away from discussing this phenomenon in the context of STD's and HIV/AIDS for two reasons. First, I was very aware of the whole discourse on the "down low" and I wanted to avoid contributing to a "panic" among black women. Second, I was more interested in re-defining what was mean by "risky" sexual behavior. Studying this phenomena, I was more interested in discussing the type of "risky" sexual behavior that could lead to addictions, flights of imagination and flights from opportunities and responsibilities, broken marriages and the lack of development of long term relationships. In the chapter "The Biggest Secret In Black America: The Down Low on The Other Down Low," I suggest that black women were equally concerned-if not more-about whether the men in their lives will treat them with dignity and respect, whether the men in their lives are interested in listening to them, not just whether they were engaged in the "risky" sex of going behind their back and sleeping with other men.

In hindsight, perhaps I did not pay enough attention to this aspect of the phenomena, considering the sheer amount of sex that many men have on these trips. It could very well be that men are bringing back more than memories to their families and interactions with women. Minimizing this aspect of women's lives could be a example of my own privilege.