I've been dating a lovely man over the Internet for the last 5 months. He lives in Virginia and I live in Boston. He asked me to move in with him, so that we could take our relationship to the next level. I feel I am in love with him, but I'm not sure if I am ready to give up my friends and my job here in Boston. Any advice?
This is a good time to listen to your instincts, which are telling you that this is not the right time to make a move. A relationship needs time to grow and five months is not enough time to truly get to know someone. You two are still in the pre-commitment phase of your relationship, which means that you feel you might be in love, but really you are in the infatuation stage. Your body is releasing chemicals which lead to powerful feelings of attraction, closeness, well being, excitement, and love. These feelings can blind you from consciously learning if this relationship fulfills your requirements. Give yourself at least 18 months to truly get to know each other, and to see if you are actually compatible. Make a list of the requirements, functional needs, and emotional needs for the relationship, and give yourself enough time to make sure that they are being met.
The College Survival Guide
A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.
Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.
Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.
Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.
MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.
Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age
Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.
Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.
Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.
Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!
My boyfriend of 2 years feels that we need to move our relationship forward by living together. I was raised in a strict religious household, and there is no way I could tell my parents I was living with a man who isn't my husband. I know I need to live my own life, but when is it right to live with someone and when should you decide to get married?
Many couples believe that co-habitation is a step to understanding if a committed relationship will work. The truth is that the next step in the relationship is marriage. A couple that chooses to live together is still testing the waters and is still in the pre-commitment stage of the relationship. Most couples who live together before marriage, end up divorced, because they bring the pre-commitment values into the marriage. Another issue with living together is that you may fall into what is called a "mini marriage." In this type of marriage you are living together, but you believe that if something isn't working you can just walk away. When you are in a committed relationship, there are no exits, and any problems are either worked through or lived with.
Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com
1. Coach Brody is right on with this one. A relationship must pass the infatuation stage before "true love" can be determined. Some authorities even believe that the beginning phase of a relationship is not even love. Furthermore, to make such a committment without a "real committment" is not wise especially when you will be the one leaving behind your life.
I am a Christian so I believe marriage first before moving in but I also know that not everyone is. So if you look at statistics they prove that many couples who move in together don't actually ever marry.
And let's be honest not too many men are going to move forward in marriage if they already have a woman home being a wife.
Nikita at 1:03PM on Oct 23rd 2008