I just found out that my boyfriend of 3 years has cheated on me again. He has been lying to me for months about where he has been, and I found out from the woman he was cheating with. I'm very embarrassed that I allowed him to do this to me again, but I still love him. He tells me it's my fault that he cheated, and says that I'm a snob and that I'm just not there for him. He is still living in my home, and some days he acts like nothing has happened. When he acts this way, I kinda wish we could go back to being together, but I also feel lost. What should I do?
When you are confronted with a cheating spouse, it is easy to struggle with the idea that you may be the one to blame for their infidelity, especially when they point the finger in your direction. The truth is, cheating is a choice, and a selfish and damaging one at that. Any partner who chooses to break the requirements of a relationship is sending you the clear message that they do not want to be in a committed relationship with you. No matter what their words are, their actions speak clearly for them. The actions of your boyfriend reflect a person who is emotionally immature, controlling, and irresponsible. Is this the kind of person you want holding your heart? In order to begin the healing process, you will need to confront the one person responsible for your happiness: You! It's time to break up, and take the steps to find out who you are once again.
The College Survival Guide
A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.
Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.
Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.
Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.
MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.
Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age
Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.
Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.
Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.
Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!
I just turned 30, and I feel like I should be engaged and married. I want to be a young mom. My boyfriend, who had told me in the past that he wants me to be his wife, has now changed his mind. His parents recently got divorced, and he suddenly believes that marriage isn't normal for people. I'm completely stunned and shocked. Where do I go from here?
It sounds like you are holding onto a set plan for the direction your relationship and life should go in. It is good to have big dreams, and to set clear goals for life, but to stick rigidly to a timeline will only leave you stressed and feeling like a failure when those deadlines are not met. A relationship is made up of two people, and as a couple you must work to grow together and maintain your sacred connection. It is time to make up. Reach out and find a couples relationship coach who can help you reconnect, and confront the limiting beliefs both you and your boyfriend have established about marriage.
Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com
1. People stay with cheater for different reasons. I did it because I didn't want to start over. But later I realize on what I was putting up. There are so many other people worthy of my time. I let that go, and good things finally came my way. Its up to the one being cheated on to realize there is always better.
Dina at 5:25PM on Oct 22nd 2008