By Angela Bronner, BlackVoices.com
The 25 and older crowd know Rev. Run (Joseph Simmons) from legendary rap group Run-DMC. Those of another generation are more familiar with he and his wife, Justine Simmons from MTV's award-winning reality TV show, 'Run's House.'
In their excellent new book -- 'Take Back Your Family: A Challenge to America's Parents,' Rev. Run and Justine go deeper than their show offering parents advice and tidbits on successful parenting, including honest dialogue on blended families, the story of how they met, living without money, and living with money and keeping their children grounded.
"Family is the one game where everyone is on an equal playing field," says Rev. Run. "Black or white, rich or poor, ugly or beautiful, everyone really has the same opportunity and ability to raise a happy, loving family."
What prompted the two of you to write the book?
Rev. Run: People were just constantly telling us how much they enjoy the show and how much they love our parenting style. I just thought it was a good way to get the message out about family and being together. I didn't want to take the Dr. Phil approach and say "this is what you must do," I just wanted people my age to realize that maybe they're missing out on something if they're not paying attention to their family. If you look at my show you might think "Oh wait a minute, I have a family at home too. Maybe I should pay more attention to my family and not just on my career." So I just wanted to let people see another side of parenting and being with family.
How did you start placing your family at the center of your life?
Rev. Run: I think it's just a gift since it's something I love to do. It's a God giving gift to just feel so concerned about my family. I think it's a responsibility chip that God put inside of me. I feel like it's been downloaded into my life and I just feel that I need to do right by my family, have fun with my family so I don't want to take all the credit but it just flows naturally.
What was the process of writing the book? How long did it take, was it fun, difficult, challenging?
Rev. Run: I did it all in the time of filming Run's House. It took two months. I would sit down and preach to a tape recorder about how I felt about life. We would take that, Chris Morrow and myself, and take notes out of that and write the book. I would just stand there with a tape recorder and just talk about family life and situations. Same thing goes for my wife. Maybe a question or two would be asked by Chris, who helped us write the book, and we would just talk and have hours and hours of tape to go back and refer to.
What is the deepest desire you have for your family?
Rev. Run: To be happy.
What ages do you like most in raising your children?
Rev. Run: I don't really have a particular age. I enjoy Vanessa at 25 and I enjoy Miley at 11-months. Watching Vanessa and Angela do well with Pastry, watching Miley come into the house, watching Diggy skateboard; it all feels good to me. I enjoy all the ages of my children.
What do you think is the biggest challenge today, in marriage and in raising a family.
Rev. Run: The biggest challenge would be communication. You just have to be able to compromise with your wife as far as I'm concerned. If she has a deep desire to do something you may want to give in to that. My motto is 'Happy wife, happy life.' I think the best thing I can do for my family is give them things to do. I'll take Diggy to the skate park so he can get on skateboards. I'll introduce Vanessa and Angela to people in the fashion world, me and Russell, that we have connections to so they can open their company and Diggy's trying to open up his own company even though he's only 13 years old. We give him the responsibility to create logos and create what he thinks it is; we just don't give them everything they want. We give them a push and the responsibility to see if they really want what they say they want.
What role does God and Church play in your family?
Rev. Run: God is the most important in our life. We are very much into prayer and we believe that God has to be put first in everything. The Bible says "If you submit your plans to God, he'll guide your path." We're deep into scriptures, we're deep into church, we're God fearing people. Being a reverend, my show I believe is really my ministry. People ask, "Well Rev Run you're a reverend but where's your church?" My church is the MTV pulpit. I'm able to touch people that other people aren't able to touch.
Do you guys pray before meals, do you pray together? How does that work?
Rev. Run: We do lots of prayers together. We give you as much as we can without making you feel guilty. I think if I put too much church at people who don't go to church, they're going to be turned off by God. So I let them see the character of my family rather me throwing my hands in the air praising God. I don't think that's essential. What's essential is seeing the results of what Christ does for me rather than me throwing my hands up in church. For me you look at my life and you see that it's on point and you know that I'm down with God. You'll hear Justine pick of the phone and say "Praise the Lord," you see me being counseled by the Bishop before; you've seen enough. I'd rather preach to you through actions than shove down your throat that you're going to hell if you don't do certain things. That wouldn't be very effective.
Part II with Justine Simmons:
What advice would you have for blended families?
Justine: These kids didn't ask to be in this situation, that's number one, and they really don't want their parents to break up. But if you take on this new child, and you're a man or woman, please be open. Don't have an attitude towards them. Yes, they may be a little bitter but give them time. Just show them love and don't go on their level because it's hard for them at the time. Be open and the more love you show them the better the situation will be. Try not to go in and think that this person is their father or this person is their mother and you don't have to deal with the child. People think that Vanessa, Jo Jo and Angela are mine, and some people still think that because of the love. Truthfully I met Vanessa, Angela and Jo Jo before Diggy and Russy. So Diggy and Russy know they can't play the game, "That's really my mother," that doesn't play in my house because I'll tell them in a minute, I knew them before you. Vanessa, Angela and Jo Jo know that too.
Would you say that Rev. Run is the head of the household?
Justine: He's definitely head of the household. What parents have to realize is when it's all over, your kids are going to leave you. Mothers really get caught up in it and my husband had to teach me this, you tend to put these little people ahead of your marriage. First you need to realize that they leave, they go on with their life. It's going to be you and him after that. I met a lady who told me, out of the blue so I knew it was God, she told me that her and her husband were getting a divorce. They were not upset at each other but they grew apart. She said they grew apart because she was so wrapped up in her daughter and before you knew it she didn't know him and he didn't know her. Kids will try to play you. Russy always accuses me of saying 'Ask daddy,' and he says "Aren't you a leader too?" as if I'm going to give in. At the end of the day my husband and I both come to an agreement after they ask him. They don't know that, we just make them think it's up to him.
What's your deepest desire for your family?
Justine: To get them to know that family matters and that family plays a big part. To see how great their dad is to see how great I try to be and that they choose people in the future that try to keep family together. We try very hard as a family. Vanessa and Angela, they're older now, they don't have to go on vacations with us but they do. And they really don't have to yet they make sure that we spend time together. They call their brothers and they call and check on Miley so it's great.
Both you and Rev. Run come from big families. How do you and your husband deal with favoritism?
Justine: It happens but you have to be aware of that. What me and Rev Run try to do is treat whoever's being smarter and making great choices a little differently. If I get along with you better but you're not being smart, I'm not going to make it seem like you're the bomb over the rest of the children because that's just going to mess everybody up. We want all our children to feel like they can become something. It's great how Joey's trying to get everyone to pursue what they want to do.
What is the most challenging thing to keeping a happy marriage?
Justine: Truthfully I would have to say compromise and be fair. A lot of things I want to do I may think is right and I find out later it's not. There are probably things my husband does for me that he doesn't want to but he compromises.
Celebrities and Their Kids
SANTA MONICA, CA - APRIL 12: Vanessa Williams and her daughter attend Nickelodeon's 16th Annual Kid's Choice Awards at the Barker Hangar, April 12, 2003 in Santa Monica, California. (Photo by Frank Micelotta/Getty Images)
Singer Whitney Houston (M) arrives to the Joe Calzaghe of Wales and Bernard Hopkins light heavyweight bout at Thomas & Mack Center on April 19, 2008 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
Demi Moore with daughters Rumer Willis and Tallulah Belle Willis at the 20th Century Fox Premiere of "Live Free or Die Hard" at Radio City Music Hall in New York City, New York on June 22, 2007. (Photo by Stephen Lovekin/WireImage.com)
Diana Ross (right) and Evan Ross Naess 2006 Clive Davis Pre-GRAMMY Awards Party - Red Carpet Beverly Hilton Beverly Hills, California United States February 7, 2006 Photo by Jeff Vespa Archive, WireImage.com
Faith Evans and her son Christopher Wallace Jr. 2005 VH1 Hip-Hop Honors - Arrivals Hammerstein Ballroom New York City, New York United States September 22, 2005 Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage.com To license this image (6038628), contact WireImage.com
Garcelle Beauvais and son Oliver at the "Bringing Down the House" Premiere in Hollywood, California on March 2, 2003. (Photo by SGranitz/WireImage.com)
WESTWOOD, CA - DECEMBER 07: (Clockwise) Actor Will Smith, son Trey, actress Jada Pinkett Smith, daughter Willow and son/actor Jaden Smith arrive at the World Premiere of Columbia Pictures' "The Pursuit of Happyness" at the Mann Village Theatre and Mann Bruin Theatre on December 7, 2006 in Westwood, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)
1. I really like this feature but, as 21-year-old 80's baby, I take offense to your lead that states that anyone under 25 doesn't recognize the pioneers that were and still are Run-DMC.
Huey_Shabazz at 1:57PM on Aug 8th 2008