I love my fiancé, but I feel like I need a change. I am about to get married in a few days. We have had numerous off and on situations about this marriage...as late as this past Tuesday. There is another person that I really enjoy her company and would love to allow her the opportunity to be my mate. I feel obligated to the marriage, but I also want to look out for me. I love my fiancé, but I feel like I need a change. This story goes deeper than time will allow. If you have a solution, please let me know.
It sounds like you are experiencing a fear of commitment. Marriage is a choice, and it comes with the responsibility of holding, loving, cherishing, and honoring another person's heart. It is also a big change, and whenever you are confronted with change, fear inevitably rears its head. This fear makes you want to run in the other direction, but choosing to head into the arms of another woman is not the answer. You and your partner have been stressed about entering into marriage because it is new to you and maybe a little scary, but remember the reasons why you chose your fiancé to be your wife. This is the person you can turn to when you need anything, so together figure out how you two can release your stress and work out any lingering issues. Plan a date night with your fiancé at home, and do a vision building exercise. Get a beautiful box, an assortment of magazines, pen, paper, and 2 pairs of scissors. Together you are going to cut out anything that you want to experience with your partner and put it in the box. Pick your home, furniture, vacation spots, hobbies, and share each item with one another as you co-create the beautiful life you are spending with each other. Now is the time to honor yourself by facing your fear, committing yourself wholly to one woman, and looking forward to a life of love where you work through your issues with your wife.
One year ago I reconnected with a former love after looking him up on the internet. We are both married with children. We couldn't get enough of reminiscing and filling each other in about the 30 years we had no contact. We met once briefly to just talk. After a while our email and phone conversations turned somewhat flirty and inappropriate. Ultimately, we decided that we were too committed to our marriages and families to pursue any kind of affair and we would just be friends. Soon after that he basically cut off all contact with me and even got nasty when I tried to maintain a friendship telling me to leave him alone. He will not respond to my emails anymore at all. Although I know it is best to stop trying to communicate with him, I am having a very difficult time getting over this. It feels like a real loss and breakup. I am hurt and angry that he didn't want to be friends. I had believed that we had a real bond of some kind. I just want to stop thinking about him so much. Because he will not talk to me at all I have had no closure or opportunity to tell him how I feel. How do I stop dwelling on this and get on with my real life which until a year ago had been wonderful. I am confused as to why I am even having these feeling in the first place when I have been happily married to a great guy for 26 years.
It is natural to feel a sense of loss when you become emotionally attached to someone and then lose them, but this is more an issue of a bruised ego than a broken heart. Your feelings of hurt and anger and your need for closure stem from your ego, which is disrupting your life. It's time to let go of your friend, and move your thoughts back to a positive place focusing on your happy marriage. To do this successfully I want you to do an exercise called "swapping shoes". Take a moment and imagine standing in the shoes of your former friend's wife. Imagine finding the e-mails between your husband and another woman. How do you feel? What do you see? What do you smell? Now make the choice to release him from your life and choose a word to represent that goodbye. Say the word out loud and imagine your former friend saying it back to you. Now it's time to focus on reconnecting with your husband. Shift your energy to your marriage, and work on making it better than it was before.
Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.comThe Top 10 Celeb Quickie Marriages
10.) Halle Berry and Eric Benet
On the surface, this relationship of two beautiful people seemed too perfect... and it was. The couple, who were married in 2001, separated in 2003, due to... irreconcilable differences. Under the surface though, the rumors abounded that Benet was a rabid sex addict and the cat quickly got out the bag. Today, Halle's got her baby and her new beau and as for Eric... well he's still walking around barefoot.
9.) Treach and Pepa (Salt-N-Pepa)
Although the two have them had been linked for years, they never made it official until 1999. Of course just two years later, the pair broke it off, but managed to produce a daughter, Egypt, in their time together. Treach would go on to do some acting as well as a few "adult" films, while Pepa would go on to reunite with Salt and Spinderella, only to be constantly yelled at by Salt on their very own reality show. All's well that ends well.
8.) Jennifer Lopez and Chris Judd
Unfairly sandwiched between P. Diddy and Ben Affleck, former back-up dancer, Chris Judd had the distinct honor of being one of J.Lo's many love interests for all of a millisecond. Predictably, the marriage lasted less than a year,effectively ending in June 2002, around the same time J.Lo was seen hugging up with half of the soon-to-be ill-fated "Benifer," Ben Affleck.
7.) Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmunds
This marriage was a wrap before it even had legs. The couple, who were faux-married on the New Year's day in Bora Bora, ended up splitting on the 16th of January. Lucky for them, it wasn't official or that divorce would have been something else. On the bright side, Eddie can now put a little more time in paying Mel B. some of that child support with all his stacks from quality films like 'The Adventures of Pluto Nash.'
6.) Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra
In all honestly, Dennis Rodman getting married to anyone would have been a shocker but for these two to have found each other oddly enough seemed like a perfect match, given their marriage history (Prince and Madonna). These two are VH1 reality shows just waiting to happen.
5.) Janet Jackson and James DeBarge
In one of the most brief and forgettable marriages ever, Janet Jackson covertly eloped with one of the many Debarge's in 1984 only to break it off a year later in 1985 due to his constant drug use. And to think, the world could have been blessed with a possible clan of singing/dancing Jackson-Debarge babies managed by the jovial Joe Jackson. Oh well...
4.) R. Kelly and Aaliyah
Before he was trapped in the closet and years before he beat those child molestation charges like they owed him money, R. Kelly was briefly married to a 15-year-old Aaliyah in 1994. It was later reported that Aaliyah lied about being 18 and the marriage was annulled shortly thereafter. Coincidentally, Kelly is also known as the pied piper... SUSPECT!!!
3.) Gary Coleman and Shannon Price
Former Diff'rent Strokes star Gary Coleman had long been remembered for either his catchphrase on the show or through the many antics/unfortunate circumstances which have affected him following the show. So when word came out in August 2007, that he wed 5-month girlfriend, Shannon Price, the reaction was not unexpected. What?!?! Who?!?!?! Well low and behold, a year later, this lovely couple soon found themselves in Divorce Court with Gary pretty much saying that he was still a virgin and that she wasn't giving up the goods. Truth is, this couple may not be separated, but those sparks better start flying or Gary's going to blow a fuse.
2.) Mike Tyson and Robin Givens
She played violin, went to acting school, and was once accepted into Harvard Medical School. "Iron" Mike on the other hand, grew up in the streets, became known as one of the most brutal boxers in history, and even gnawed a man's ear off. To say that this wasn't a marriage built to last is an understatement.
1.) Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley
Without a doubt, this had to be one of the most unexpected marriages in history. The king of pop, amidst his first child molestation ordeal, and the daughter of Elvis Presley were as mismatched as a square peg in a round hole. And if the marriage weren't enough, the two of them famously gave one of the most awkward and poorly acted kisses on stage at the 1994 MTV Music Awards, cementing yet another landmark in marvel that is Michael Jackson.
1. well I can't wait to tie the knot again for the second time, however, it will not be a quickie wedding for reason that I took the time to somewhat complete my education. I am seeking a sexy chocolate short stocky male partner to be my real estate partner I never hopped into a second marriage for reason that I am pickie he have to be clean industrious God fearing have morals standards values and high expections. He have to be willing to start from the bottom and work our way up to the top. he have to care greatly about his health for reason outside of real estate I am a healthcare provider and I know how men do not like to get checkups nor physicals. he have to be reliable, he have to know how to cook, I mean and so forth. I mean a quick marriage can be an excellent thing because you have the convenience of sex with one partner although I am not sexually active I feel as though I have already met my future spouse.
ambitious1 at 8:06PM on Jun 20th 2008