By Felicia PrideOften, when black men, fatherhood, and family are discussed, the open and honest opinions, feelings, perspectives of black men--especially young ones--are usually ignored or omitted, many times replaced with hard data.
With Father's Day around the corner, it's important for us to recognize, uplift, nurture, and hear from black men who believe in the power of healthy families.
A new book aims to do just that: Be a Father to Your Child: Real Talk From Black Men On Family, Love, and Fatherhood (Soft Skull Press/Counterpoint, June 2008) edited by April Silver. The book's title gives nods to the 1991 hip-hop hit "Be a Father to Your Child" by Ed O.G. & Da Bulldogs), a direct plea to men--from the mouth of a black man--to step up to the plate and take responsibility for their kids.
Be a Father to Your Child is a collection of poems, lyrics, essays, short stories and interviews exploring the challenges and triumphs of black fatherhood from a diverse cast of some of the most popular personalities from the hip-hop generation including rapper Talib Kweli, writer and activist Kevin Powell, professor William Jelani Cobb, and hip-hop historian Davey D. Together their words are powerful and necessary. Reading their thoughts put a human face on the struggles facing black families and offer insight into how we can overcome them.The book's editor April Silver, is a woman who understands that the solution to healing black families must include young Black men and young Black fathers. As a social entrepreneur and founder of Akila Worksongs, a company that bridges the gap between arts and activism, Silver is a force in both the hip-hop community and the community-at-large, who has been addressing issues of fatherhood within the hip-hop generation for almost ten years. In 1999 she helped to produce "A Father's Story: Hip Hop Dads Speak Out!," and since then she has been organizing similar events where black men can come together in support of building and maintaining healthy families.
In the introduction, Silver writes, "My generation, the so-called Generation X population (roughly defined as those born between 1965 and 1989) was the first of Black children born into households and communities with inordinately high rates of joblessness; fatherlessness; incarceration; illegal drug sale, use, and abuse; and HIV/AIDS prevalence; hardly model environments for family building."
But Silver makes it clear that she isn't interested in measuring the pain and struggles of one generation against another. She writes, "While pain and suffering have been levied in different ways throughout generations of Black families, our focus should be on how to eradicate oppression, not compare it."
Thus Be a Father to Your Child seeks to uplift Black fathers and sons of the hip-hop generation who are committed to building and maintaining healthy families in the midst of challenges like abuse, abandonment, and absenteeism. To close out her introduction, Silver writes:
So in the spirit of striking a positive chord in favor of those Black men who--despite the odds-have not given up on their families, their children, and/or their fathers, and those who have not given up on what's right and beautiful about the world, let this anthology serve as a relevant, empowering perspective...real talk, directly from the hearts of a few hip hop heads.
More than Words caught up with April Silver to discuss this powerful and groundbreaking anthology, which I highly recommend you purchase for yourself and the black men in your life.
More than Words: What made you edit an anthology about fatherhood?
April Silver: I was actually invited to do this work by Loren Harris, a dear friend that I met at Howard University. He is a Program Officer at The Ford Foundation who has been passionately involved with fatherhood initiatives since the 1990's. This book is his vision. He asked me to pilot the craft and I accepted the challenge gladly. This is my first professional editor's job for a book.
MTW: All of the contributors are of the hip-hop generation. Is there a common thread among these contributors regarding the role of hip-hop in their development as a man and as a father?
AS: One requirement for the project was that all the contributors had to be born during the golden age of hip hop. And yes, there is a strong common thread that hip hop plays a positive role in the development of these Black men. Specifically, most of the men have taken what is righteous about hip hop and have guided their lives accordingly. Two writers, however, did not grow up as hip hop heads, but have evolved into that. For them, hip hop was a cautionary tale of how "not to be" a man. Still, the reader will find in this book a triumph of the spirit of hip hop culture. The newbie will be blown away when he or she discovers how hip hop helped mold these guys into strong men. The true hip hop head, however, won't be surprised.
MTW: I've read that this has been an emotional journey for you and the contributors. Can you touch on how this book is already beginning to affect and change lives?
AS: It's been mostly emotional and cleansing for them. The book just came out, so we have only had two public events thus far. At each event, most (if not all) of the contributors end up breaking down at some point. There is a lot of deeply buried pain here and it's been allowed to fester for some of the guys. For the most part, men don't have deeply expressive emotional relationships with other men. So there wasn't much fluidity in discussing this topic of fatherhood and manhood. With Mo Beasley, for example, I had to really push him to write a profoundly honest essay about his feelings - not just about fatherhood but also around growing up in poverty. There was also a little bit of push-pull with Kevin Williams regarding his child support system saga. All the stories now live to instruct other men on how to be courageous and honest. At our book launch, Rhymefest and his son Solomon did what Davey D. called "The Ultimate Freestyle." Rhymefest, in front of 200+ strangers, gave his son permission to ask him (Rhymefest) 5 questions that he never asked before. Rhymefest promised to respond with 100% honesty. Solomon asked him something to the affect of "Do you wish that I had not been born so that I could not get in the way of your career as a rapper?" That was just one of the questions! There wasn't a dry eye in the room. No one was prepared for the raw, unscripted, loving, and honest exchange between a father and son. Everyone was changed that night. This book is forcing men to be honest in ways that are unprecedented and that's a great thing!
MTW: What do you hope readers walk away with regarding black men and fatherhood?
AS: In any community, no one sees eye to eye all the time, but selfishly speaking, I want the readers to see what I see when I survey the full range of Black men. I see wonderful human beings who love family and who need family. All too often though, I see men who need to be shook and held accountable for their mess - even while we put that mess in the context of a hostile society. Nevertheless, in this process, men need to be respected and listened to without judgment. I am optimistic about what kind of human beings will emerge from our communities when Black men get shook to their core.
1. Happy Fathers Day to all the great Dad's of the world. I do commend & appreciate the strength, commitment & sacrifices of you all. To all the other, not so great Dads. Heres a poem I wrote for you, on this special day. “Happy Father’s Day” Many Father’s Days, have come and gone.. A little child eagerly dials the phone. The ring goes unanswered. They become so sad. Knowing, they were conceived, by a Mom and a Dad. Pop, where are you? I wanna send you some mail. Now, I’m wondering, whether you’re dead or in jail. Seeing other kids, with Mom and Pop at home. Looking at my birth certificate. It said “Father” unknown. I’m confused and I’m wondering. How could that be? Two people had to lie down together, and conceive me. Did he care, did he love me, did he know I was born? Momma, please tell me. I wasn’t just a night of porn. When kids used to tease, and say your Mom or your Dad. Only, the insult against my Momma, could make me sad. I could only get emotional, about the parent that tried. No feelings are hurt, talking about an invisible guy. Dad, you were meant to be, the head of the household. Without your assistance, I watched my sweet Momma, growing old. She always did, so much more than her part. She somehow, filled the emptiness, of a missing heart. The good mothers, just don’t seem to understand.. They can raise a good person, but, can’t raise a whole man. That was your job father. Why didn’t you take a stand? You left your kids out there, for societies, evil plans. I went to school, played football, even got straight “A’s”. I just wanted to know you. You didn’t even have to stay. Whats your name, whose my granddad, can you answer me please? I’m so glad its not genetic. Your Romeo disease. I’m doing fine without you, got two kids and a wife. You’ll take the guilt to your grave, not being a part of our life. When my kids smile, or they’re feeling blue. I’m right there with them. I’m really nothing like you. The family must be maintained, at all costs. You really can’t imagine, all that’s been lost. Why did you sign over custody to a vicious world? Missing a parent, they’re unprepared, whether a boy or a girl. When a man makes a decision to become a rolling stone. Morally, religiously, righteously. He’s the one who’s left alone. I’ve got it off my chest now. I’ve said all I have to say. It’s the last time I’ll tell you. “Happy Biological Father’s Day”.
NameLessFont at 10:05AM on Jun 15th 2008