Luv Coach Q&A: Luv Yourself

My boyfriend & I have been dating for 2 years. All his ex girlfriends (4 that I know of) were at least 5'7", thin, small chest/butt, white, average looking faces with nothing unique or super pretty. I am 5'3" size 7, 36DD very curvy, Italian/Persian, totally opposite of what his "taste" is. Sometimes I think he started dating me because he saw that OTHER guys wanted me but that I'm not really what he wants. When we are out he looks at girls that have his ex's type body. I am scared he will eventually leave me, I even went as far as having three-somes with other girls, which was fine with me, but he said he didn't feel right about it so we stopped that.

I know the inside is more important & he loves me but I can't help but wonder. It makes me feel like I'm not making him happy. I've brought it up to him, and he says he loves my body but why would he still be looking at girls only with that shape?

It sounds as if the real issue is that you are unhappy with the way your body looks, and you are projecting the negative self image you have of yourself upon your boyfriend. You have caught the crazy! It is not easy living in a society that glorifies one body type and defines that as the standard of beauty. The key is to see that all bodies are beautiful, so you need to shift your thoughts about your own body. It's time to look within yourself and take the steps to accept and love the body you have. It is curvaceous, voluptuous and beautiful, and it is exactly what your man desires, because 2 years after being together he has reassured you that he loves every inch of it, and does not want to share it with anyone else. Do not assume that just because he looks at a girl without any curves, he is lusting after her. He could be thinking that he can't believe he spent so many years dating that type, when he truly desired a voluptuous woman. Since the problem is in your own mind, we are going to work the negative thoughts out, and replace them with positive expressions of what your body looks like. Get a small notebook, and every morning write down 3 positive descriptions of your body. Begin the sentence with "I am..." I am beautiful, I am voluptuous, I am sexy, and I am woman! It's time to love your body and love yourself, so you can release the fears that are holding you back from truly enjoying your relationship.

I have been with my fiancé for 2 years, and I found out in January that he was cheating on me. He has been out of work, so I have been taking care of him. I was happy to be the shoulder that he needed to lean on, but then I found a strange number on my caller ID. I called it, and learned that he had been messing around for 3 months. He lied and said she was a just friend, but then later admitted to being with her. I forgave him, but it didn't take away the hurt my broken heart felt. I did everything for this man. Then I found a picture and a poem from another woman. When I confronted him, he lied again. I spoke to this woman, and he finally admitted that he had been with this woman too. It killed me on the inside, but I still forgave him. I feel like I am to blame for his cheating, because of the way that I treated him, and I feel guilty. I love this man with everything in me, and would do anything for him. This man is a big part of mine and my kids world, and he is all I want in my life, but I still hurt from all this. I want to move past all this hurt and confusion, and get back to the love he and I originally had. Please help me find a way to get it back.


Thankfully you are not married to this cheating, lying man, who has caused you so much hurt, pain, and guilt. This gives you the opportunity to freely leave. We all have choices in life, and your fiancé has made the choice to betray you in every way possible. You have made the choice to allow him to continue disrespecting and endangering your life. It's time to open your eyes, and see that you should not be searching for a way back to him, but rather a way towards your own happiness and security. You have deep rooted issues with neediness, which stem from poor self-esteem. This is why you continually forgive in the hopes that he will stay with you, but feel guilty and blame yourself for feeling heart broken. His choice to be with other women is a clear message that he is not committed to you. I understand that life was wonderful for you two, when you were in the infatuation stage of the relationship. That stage always feels amazing, but if you are not aware, it can cause you to be blind when it comes to dating traps and red flags. It's time to take a break from this relationship and turn your attention towards yourself. I suggest you reach out and work with a Life Coach. It's a great way to understand what is truly limiting you in your relationship, and a professional can help you move forward to make healthy, fulfilling life choices.

Rebecca Brody is currently a Life Empowerment coach in New York City. Her area of expertise is in relationship coaching. She is a graduate of Vassar and Ipec, and has trained with the Relationship Coaching Institute. She is ICF certified, and has been studying social interaction, relationships and coupling for over a decade. To work with Coach Brody contact Brody@theluvcoach.com, or go to www.theluvcoach.com.