Testimony: Will Downing

As told to Denver Louis, BlackVoices.com

With thirteen albums under his belt, Brooklyn native Will Downing has been one of the most consistent names in R&B, with a career than spans back to the '80s. Over the decades, the soulful jazz crooner has maintained a strong and steady fan base and after being just on the cusp of mainstream success, the Grammy-nominated singer finally scored a #1 debut with his latest album, 'After Tonight.'

Downing's success comes despite being diagnosed with the debilitating condition Polymyositis in 2006. Polymyositis, which is an inflammation of the muscle fibers, weakened him to the point where he was confined to a wheelchair and could no longer complete many everyday tasks. Yet, despite this major setback, Downing has made considerable progress and is determined to continue making music and beating the odds by performing in 2008.

DIAGNOSIS

I found out I was ill in the latter part of 2006, somewhere around the time last year [where] a series of holiday shows were booked for Will Downing Soulful Christmas. When I was out on the road, I was just fatigued every night. It felt like somebody was on my back while I was performing and it was just killing me, man. By the latter part of December, I could barely walk. I'm one of them cats that don't go to the doctor on too many occasions, but it got so bad I had to go to the doctor. I went to the doctor and they sent me to the hospital immediately. That's when we found out [it was Polymyositis.]

Initially I didn't know what the hell it was. I had always been the type of cat that thought, you go in and get a shot or something and in a couple of weeks it would go away. This wasn't the case and it scared the daylights out of me. My body was slowly deteriorating. Certain things that I could do one day, I couldn't do the next. It had gotten so bad that I couldn't move, I couldn't get up, I couldn't do anything.

'PITY PARTY'

Then of course you got through this certain period of 'Why me?' You start cursing God asking, 'What did I do to deserve this? I know some people that should have this and not me.' You start going through that and you start having pity parties and the woe-is-me stages. Then, at some point, I just started fighting back and I said, 'This is not going to be my life. This is not the way it was designed for me, let me get out of this bed and do what I do.'

For me, my faith was everything. When you see you can't do it on your own, obviously it strengthens your conviction and belief in a higher being and that's what happened to me. We call on God for the little things, but this was major and I kind of broke down and said, 'OK, come on man I know I've done wrong in the past, but help a brother out here.'

'GOD IS SO AMAZING'

The most personal song I've written is one off this record called 'God Is So Amazing,' which is probably the most heartfelt song I've ever written; not only for the heart, but for the mind. To me it epitomizes where I was at the time I wrote it and where I am now.

It's funny how the focus of what you do can switch very easily. Prior to me getting sick, the motivation was greed, money, and obviously trying to be the best that I can at what I do. But all those things have become very vain. There's a lot of money to be made in this industry and I'll be damned if I wasn't trying to get all of it. It's the truth because the window of opportunity in this business is so small that when you get an opportunity to make some money, you go for it.

I can't even front, I was chasing every gig that came along, every time the phone rang. If there was a gig at 8 o'clock and another one in another state at 11, I was trying to make it. That's greed. But, I was humbled and slowed down with this disease, so your motivation changes. One minute you're getting up to make some money and the next, you just happy to be getting up.

'PROGRESS EVERY DAY'

I've been home, getting into a routine for the last three or four months and it's helped me considerably. There was a point up until a month and a half ago that I could not walk and now I'm starting to get around again, walking slowly. I kind of got a black Frankenstein thing going on. I see progress everyday -- it may be something really small or it may be something really big, but everyday I see progress and that's what motivates me to get up everyday and keep working. It's going to take a while to get back to the me I used to see but I am grateful that I am seeing improvement and that's my motivation everyday.

I haven't booked anything because I don't think I'm ready yet. Yeah, I could go on a stage and sit on a stool, but that's not the way I want to be seen. That's not the way I went out and that's not the way I want to come back. There's still a lot of work to be done physically that would enhance what people would pay their money to see. Even though music is supposed to be listened to, the real fact of the matter is that we are performers and we are entertainers, but it is hard to entertain for me ender these conditions. I want to make sure I'm better physically before I go back out. I certainly want to go out and sing, but it's just not time yet.

THE NEW YEAR AND BEYOND

My New Year's resolution for 2008 is to take better care of myself physically, spiritually and mentally. You know, 2007 can kiss my black ass as far as I'm concerned. It can go. It has probably one of the worst years of my life physically. But I'm looking forward to 2008 and I'm feeling better already because I know it will be a much better year for me.

No matter what, I think music will always play a role in my life, that entertainment will always play a role in my life. Whether I will be able to continue singing, I guess it remains to be seen but, if not I'll get involved in the industry in another way, bringing in new talent. Maybe from a business standpoint doing promotions or bringing concerts to people across the country. The possibilities are endless.