By Coletta Renee, founder Tia's Foundation
Like many others, my journey to understanding the AIDS epidemic has not been an easy one. Although I participated in AIDS Walks for as far back as I can remember, I never really understood the real reason why so many were making quilts, sharing their personal stories and raising money until AIDS appeared on my own doorstep.
In 1993, my aunt, who also happened to be my best friend, called me to tell me that she was infected. Speechless, I hung up without even realizing it. When I called her back, I could tell that she had been crying and hadn't had much sleep.
So many questions entered my mind..."How long had she been infected?" "Who infected her? " "Was her fiancé at risk?" I had so many questions but my heart ached too much to ask. The only question I could muster up to ask was "How did you get it?" Her response was even more shocking than the news itself. She told me that her fiancée had infected her.
In a matter of moments, my whole world had turned upside down.
I wanted to cry, scream, curse; display every emotion known to man but I didn't. I simply told her that I was on my way to her house so that we could go out for ice cream. As I drove to her house, I was filled with so many emotions but could not explain one of them. My mind raced...How could my life go on without my best friend since birth? She was my mother's baby sister and was only three years older than me so she was more like a big sister to me than an aunt. I needed to understand what and why this was happening but nothing made sense. 1993 was a year of a great joy and great pain for me. Years later I came to understand that joy and pain can not reside in the same place so I chose eternal joy.Driving to her house seemed like a blur. I just remember her standing outside of her apartment building like a little child waiting to be picked up. As she walked to my car, my mind drifted back to a time when w
e'd play in our blow up pool in my grandmother's yard naked; me, my uncle and Tiajuana; a time of innocence. Even when I think about her today, my mind goes back to that day. She was always so protective of me because I was the baby. Now it was my time to be protective of her. When she got in the car, I looked at her and smiled because I knew that we were beginning a new chapter of our lives. That day, we didn't discuss her news; we went about our day as if nothing happened. We did our usual; we got manicures and pedicures and topped it off at Baskin and Robbins for ice cream. We didn't discuss it until we were forced to...years later.
One night on Thanksgiving when my ex- husband, son and I were having dinner, I got a frantic call. "Coletta, please come take me to the hospital." Without question, I left my family and drove to her house. She was bleeding from her rectum and could not stop defecating on herself. As I drove at record speed to the hospital, my only focus was to get her help. I didn't realize that my passenger seat was soiled and that she was sweating and shaking uncontrollably. By this time, I had been her only caregiver for 6 years but now this disease was out of control. It seemed like it took over her body overnight.
When we arrived at the hospital, I felt dizzy and at a total loss. The doctor asked me to come into the room so that he could share with me her diagnosis. The only thing I remember him saying was lesions, loss of bowels, anal bleeding and power of attorney. The next 4 years were spent going back and forth to the hospital; she being the pillar of strength and me trying to find some normalcy in all of this. I had to keep my sanity for my son but she needed me more than anyone. As I watched her lose an enormous amount of weight, her skin turn from honey colored to gray and her hair thin, I realized that she was dying and I couldn't do anything for her. Two days after she completely lost her sight on her death bed, I told her that it was alright to leave me because I'd be alright. As I stood in her room, I heard her take her last breath.
For anyone who has survived being a caregiver to a loved one who has succumbed to complications from AIDS, it's a tough journey. Everyday I find new ways of living through my pain but because of my faith in God, I know that she's in a better place; far from ridicule, judgment and uncompassionate people. I formed Tia's Foundation in her honor as a way of empowering and educating young women like her. We were all created for a purpose....God used her to help me find my purpose....Have you found yours?
Coletta Renee
Tia's Foundation
http://www.tiasfoundation.org
1. What a sad story, I had a very close cousin who went thru the same thing,an ex girlfriend infected him , and in turn he infected his next girlfriend, he passed away a year ago, but his girlfriend is now living with hiv, it is very hard to see people go thru that, his situation has open my eyes to a lot of things concerning the disease, what ever happen to the man who infected her with the disease? I truly hope he is not still infecting other women,May god bless you for being strong enough for the both of you ....
Lisa at 10:38PM on Dec 20th 2007