Testimony: Macy Gray

Macy Gray debuted in 1999, with a raspy voice, big afro and smash album, 'On How Life Is,' driven by the mega-single, 'I Try.' She subsequently won a Grammy and firmly planted herself as a huge, if unlikely, pop star. In March 2007, Macy released her fourth album, 'Big,' after a four year hiatus. In between records, Gray is making a solid name for herself as an actress. Though she has found success in her career, Gray is most proud of her three children, Aanisah, Mel and Happy. She testifies on motherhood for Black Voices.

Let's talk about motherhood. Your children are now 12, 11 and 9. How is it having a house full of pre-teens? They've just really started thinking for themselves and really discovering life and the people around them and getting in tune with things they want, you know? And a lot of times it doesn't include you anymore. So it's kind of a shocker for you. You're happy because they're growing up but you wake up one day and they're just different. So it's more of an adjustment for the parents, I think, because the kids are just doing their thing. I think that the parents are the ones that are devastated.

Do you have talks with them about the "big" issues?
I talk to them all the time. I think they get to an age where they take in what they want to take in, and their friends tell them stuff and they see stuff on TV. So, they have other influences now that they pay attention to. And they have themselves. I can speak for my kids, they really started thinking for themselves, independently. It's not all about you anymore, which is crazy. I talk to them all the time, absolutely.

What do you tell them about drugs? Sex?
I've always done that. I'd say like drugs, eww. Or just give it a bad rap. I would make it really tragic -- I would say you get really sick and really ugly and you stink and then you die. So they always remember drugs like that because I would say it to them when they were little.

Sex is kinda touchy because they see it on TV, and you can explain sex all you want but you can't really explain sex. So I teach my girls, especially, that it's something that you do with someone that you really, really love. I give them all that and they understand what rubbers are for. But you don't really understand until you do it. I just realize you can't really tell a child about it. You can tell them what you think is best for them, but you can't really explain until they get in that situation.

Did you feel you were ready for motherhood?
At the time when I had my first, yeah, because I was really in love and I didn't have any career going on. I didn't have nothing else going on (laughs.) It was the right thing to do. He wanted that baby so bad, so I said, OK. Yeah, by the time she came I think so. I mean, I don't know.

What is the hardest part of motherhood for you?
I think that when you see your kid and they have habits that they picked up from you or things that you want for them and you feel you didn't teach them right. You know, I'm a bit of a hermit. My son, as wild as he is, he doesn't like to go anywhere. Obviously, when I go out, it's kind of a hassle. But he doesn't want to go anywhere except for basketball. So I feel bad about that, like God, let me get out of the house more.

On your latest album, you touch on single parenthood with the song, 'What I Gotta Do.' How's single motherhood going?
It's another thing where your kids go to school and they see kids that have a mother and a father and you see that on TV and you just want that for them because you know that they miss it and they wonder why they don't have it.

Do they ever talk to you about it?
Yeah, of course. Not as much any more, because I think they understand why me and their dad aren't together, but I know that that's priceless to have both parents, especially for -- I have two girls and a little boy -- because people always say a son needs his father, but little girls really need their dad. So that part, yeah, is really hard.

What type of mother would you describe yourself as?
I'm really disciplined about some stuff, some stuff I'm totally undisciplined about. I'm really disciplined about brushing your teeth and stuff like that and sticking to outside activities. I really think it's important that your kids be good at something outside of school. So I enrolled my daughter in gymnastics, I make sure she goes every week. I think that's crucial. I think that's important that they find something that they really love early. But school I'm not really disciplined about. But luckily my mommy looks out for things like that.

Do any of your children have your unique voice?
Not really. My son has kind of an odd voice, but it's not mine. Actually it's getting deeper now, it's changing.

You grew up tall, had a different voice, took a different path. How does that inform what you tell your children about fitting in, especially at this age?
Yeah, I talk to them about expressing themselves a lot and making sure they say what's on their mind and I make sure I say that it's okay to be different and I give examples of people they really look up to, you know? Like my son is dark skinned. And he had issues with being dark skinned for a while. But I showed him pictures of Shaq and Miles Davis and Kobe Bryant, and all the people he looks up to. And he got the biggest smile on his face. I put all these pictures in his room of dark skinned people and he was fine. So you can say, it's okay to stand out, but kids don't really get that. So I try to give them examples and stuff like that. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing, girl.

Would you have any more kids? No, I'm done.

Mother's Day is coming up. What's your best Mother's Day recollection?
I was thinking about flying out to Ohio and surprising my mom but I'm not sure I'm going to be able to go. I live in LA right now. One mother's day, they all dressed up in waiters outfits and brought me breakfast in bed. That was cute.

Do you like your children's taste in music?
Yeah, a little bit. Like, I don't really like a lot of the rap today. I don't think it's really good for my son to be hearing that s@#% but he listens to it anyway. But I don't really like it. The hip-hop we grew up on is way different. Like there's no LL Cool J, and there's not really a party hip-hop group anymore. The [Black Eyed] Peas are cool. Yeah, it's just different. His favorite rapper is Lil Wayne. What???

What is your deepest desire for your children?
I really want them to find passion in life, really love what they do. I want them to really find people who love them to death. I think it's really important to feel good and to be around things that feel good to you as much as possible. People put a lot on success, but if you don't feel good, you know? I think it's important to have that. On the inside. Then all the regular stuff, I want them to have success and all that blah blah blah. But I really want them to grow up and feel good about themselves and what they're doing and just be safe.