Testimony: Larry Bryant

I was diagnosed HIV positive in 1986. It was after my freshman year in college. I was on a football scholarship at Norfolk State University. It was by coincidence that I found out my status. As a scholarship athlete, we did community service things, like donating blood. And this was right around the beginning of screening blood for HIV in this country.

I went back to donate, and the nurse stopped me and told me I couldn't donate and the doctor needed to talk to me. So my friends went in and the doctor came out and informed me in a very awkward way, 'I'm sorry you can't donate blood here anymore.' And that's how I found out. Because I'm HIV positive, I couldn't come back there.

I have never been an IV drug user, I've never been gay, the only risk factor I could've had was unprotected sex. I had had sex before: Unprotected sex. Certainly, a black straight football player from Norfolk State was at no risk. There was no such thing as education in our communities back then. We're light years from where we were, but we have a long way to go.

LEAVING SCHOOL
I told no one for five years. No one. The only person who knew of my status for the first five years was me and the doctor who told me. I mean, I kept it literally to myself and after three years of school, it was hard to deal with. The stress. Basically my life stopped at that point. [I wasn't having sex.] I was on cruise control. I played football. That was automatic. Obviously sitting in classrooms, concentrating and studying, wasn't the easiest thing to do at that point.

So it was just an added weight. So I left school not being able to take it anymore. And my parents were a little confused as to why, especially, I mean, it's one thing to leave school, but I left school and a potential football career in the balance.

JOINING THE ARMY
After I left school, I decided to join the Army. My dad was a military guy. But then going through the training, I had to do the physical. And this was probably one of the first years that the box on the physical included HIV testing. And of course, once they took the blood it was like a countdown. It was just a matter of time, now. And eventually, the test came back, I tested positive, and I can't join the army. I had taken the oath and everything.

So at this point, I have to tell somebody. I came home and I talked to my mom and I told her. I was HIV positive. And it was like holding my breath for five years and it exploded out. I just really let loose. But since that minute, my family has been completely supportive and behind me in every way.

DATING BEING HIV-POSITIVE
I think I've made dating more difficult that it needs to be. I'm a little self-conscious. And the question that always looms out there is disclosure. When do you disclose to someone about your status if they don't already know? How do you disclose? Is it when you first meet at a club or a bar when you're sharing that first drink? Or is it a week later once you've gotten to know each other a little bit? Or is it a month or six months later when you've determined that this is going to be a serious relationship? Clearly that question is a personal choice. Each individual decides when, or even if, they disclose to an individual.

For me, I need to know who I'm seeing and where they stand. I've had situations where people are very attracted to me, or we connect very well, and I'm attracted to them, and then it's like, 'I'm HIV positive' and I don't hear from them. Literally, they leave skid marks. So, it happens once or twice, it doesn't make it any easier, even after twenty, twenty-one years of living with the disease. That part of it never gets easy.

Everyone I've met hasn't been completely ignorant of the disease or scared or fearful. I have met great people along the way so hopefully I'll be able to open up enough and meet the right person at the right time. I do want to fall in love, and I do want to get married. And if I'm lucky enough, have children one day. I think I'm becoming a little more settled and comfortable with the thought.

ON STIGMA
One of things, especially in the black community, that keeps us from progressing around HIV and AIDS is the stigma itself, particularly among men. Being a straight man, it's even doubly so. The most direct way to attack that stigma is to acknowledge it openly. I think it starts just within your own community.

If you're a mother who's living HIV positive, have a conversation with your children, tell family members. You don't have to be on CNN or the cover of Ebony magazine talking about your life or writing a book on it. It takes living a regular and normal life. It's not about Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and Maxine Waters, and all these great black leaders that we have, they serve their purposes but I think most relevant to the messages that we receive as just general black people is just from other people that look and sound like us.