Testimony: Lady Saw

If Lil' Kim did reggae she would be Lady Saw.

Mostly known for her slack lyrics -- raw, unmitigated sex talk sliding over ragga riddims -- the undisputed Queen of the Dancehall (born Marion Hall) switches things up as she reveals a more vulnerable side of herself.

'No Less of a Woman,' the first single off her latest album, 'Walk Out' (dropping April 17) proudly declares that she is still a woman, even if she can't bear a child.

All my life, since I started having sex, I haven't conceived. All my sisters, most of them, they're having babies. My brothers are having babies. My mom had eight of us. One of my sisters, who is close to me, got pregnant once. She had an ectopic pregnancy. And I'm like I'm looking to get pregnant, let me check my tubes. They're blocked. I cleared them twice in Jamaica. But when I came here to America, they're still blocked so I did a laser surgery to clear them. The doctor said you don't have 100 percent chance like a normal women because you have scar tissue. So there goes my problem. He said stop having sex hard, a lot (laughs) -- and I'm killin' it so much .... So I got pregnant and I lost them. And so I took some eggs out.

I had two miscarriages. I'd been trying for a while to conceive for a while now and yes, I did get lucky twice, but I wasn't able to carry the pregnancies to term. Maybe I need to sit down for a minute. After the second [miscarriage] I was feeling depressed. Down. And this melody came to me, like, 'Not having a child doesn't make me any less of a woman.' It's dedicated to all the females who have been trying.

I was so depressed the second time around. I went back to work and within a year [after the first miscarriage], I said, alright, I'm going to try again. For a couple of weeks, it was depressing. I felt like I wanted to prove something too. Since I'm the queen of dancehall -- it's like Lady Saw talks about sex but she can't have any kids.

Men entertainers say, "Yes, and she can't get pregnant." She's a mule, she's barren. They sing about me. It's a low blow. So it's something I want people to be aware of -- infertility. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm not infertile. But there are women out there who are, and they may feel like they're less than a woman so it's just to cheer them up and tell them. Once you have love to give. I may not know the joy of giving birth, might not experience the pain and all the hurt, but I know it feels to lose a child. So if pain is pain, then I'm hurting inside.

Sometimes even now if I'm passing by a school or a playground, I'm like 'whoa. Look at all these kids and none of them are mine.' So many kids, millions of kids. I have so many eggs. I'm like God, what did I do wrong? Was it when I was a child, I climbed all these coconut trees? Was it when my dad used to beat me real bad or rolling down the hills? So I'm thinking all kinds of things. Something went wrong, but who knows.

I prayed a lot, I read my Bible. I talk to God. They say don't ask why all the time but I ask Him why? And I keep praying and asking him about making my life complete. I make all this money, I have these people who love me, I have these three kids -- one is off to college -- they're beautiful. But I'm like Lord, I need this, I want to feel this, experience this. I want to prove to these people who be talking down to me, that I'm not a mule or barren.

I have three [adopted] kids. When I became Lady Saw, I met this little girl. She was at the Kentucky [KFC] joint trying to push a piece of paper saying her mommy sent her to hustle some money to send her to school. I used to do that too when I was a child. I offered to send her to school. I gave her my number and said, 'Here, give this to your mom.' She was nine years old. Her mom said: 'Can you take her because I can't afford her.' So I took this little girl. Boops, three months later, her mom died, so I thought this was a sign.

The two boys are my nephews. They were being abused by my brother. And it reminded me of us, when my dad used to beat us for no reason sometimes. And he gave me them before I lock him ass up. He mess up dem skin using electric cord to beat them. So I adopted them too. The boys are 16 going on 17 and 14. The girl will be 20 in November. When you look at them, where you get them from and where they're now, you're so proud. They say I spoil them, but they're good kids.

I still want that experience to carry that child for nine months. If it goes to seven I'll take it. Sometimes, some funny things happen when people get pregnant. So sometimes I think you should just wait because God knows why he didn't allow you to give birth to this one or that one. You may never know what was going to come in God's plan. So wait. Don't cry and stress out. God has reason for everything.