Testimony: Dominic Carter

Veteran New York television newscaster Dominic Carter has been on the local station NY1 for more than 25 years. As host of the nightly show 'Inside City Hall,' he has grilled local politicians, many of whom have national stature, including New York Sen. Hillary Clinton, former Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, current Mayor Michael Bloomberg and the Rev. Al Sharpton. He has also covered national and international leaders including the Rev. Jesse Jackson and former South African President Nelson Mandela. His book 'No Momma's Boy' takes on two volatile topics at once -- how he survived physical and sexual abuse at the hands of his mother and how her mental illness shaped his life.

In terms of every strike that society could throw against you, I had it -- black male, no father, poor, in the projects. I go on to make it, and do exceptionally well against the odds and make it in television, to the top of an all-white arena -- political reporting.

But at the same time, my secret was at 7 years old, my mom sexually abused me. Prior to this, my mom wasn't around for months at a time, sometimes years at a time. My grandmother raised me. I had family members who really did not want me to write ['No Momma's Boy']. They just wanted Dominic Carter, the positive newscaster who made it.

I wrote the book because I spent many years of my life feeling isolated and alone. This is a secret that, particularly in our community, is a major issue. You have no idea how many women of color have approached me in the last month or two. Women who got it going on, women who don't, women who are trying to make it have said to me, "Dominic, I was sexually abused as well." "Dominic, my uncle raped me." "Dominic … (and I'll get to the men in a second) "Dominic, my father raped me."

I wrote the book because I want people who have been isolated, who are abused, to understand that it doesn't have to be that way. You don't have to keep this secret as I did, all my life. There's nothing to be embarrassed of, you didn't do anything wrong. I also wrote it because I wanted to remove the stigma of sex abuse, and also the stigma, particularly in the African-American community, of mental illness.

Mental illness is almost like cancer. It happened to you; you didn't bring it on yourself. You didn't wish for it. So we have to remove all these barriers around mental illness. If there's one overriding theme, I'm using whatever platform I have as a television newscaster to say, 'Look, I was sexually abused by my mother. I dealt with her mental illness. She severely beat me. I grew up on welfare, no father, housing projects and I made it. If I can make it, you can make it.

When my mom died in 2001, it was a turning point in my life when I received [her] medical records from the 1950s until the day she died. What breaks my heart is that she never discussed with me once the topic of mental illness. The point is clear in the book, I had to forgive my mother to heal myself.

I look at my daughter today, who's at Syracuse University. At that same age, my mother was in straightjackets and receiving electrical shock. And she never discussed that with me. So when I got the records of her hearing voices telling her to throw me out of a window, when I received those medical documents saying she tried to choke me to death, I got a newfound compassion for my mother. And I want to make it clear, I'm proud of her, and I wish I could have told her to her face. I'm proud of her because she persevered; she never gave up. Essentially, it rained every day of my mother's life. There was nothing ever to distinguish her; she never owned any possessions. Nothing. My mom lived in many ways the life that many African-Americans live. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Never in my life did I receive therapy for that abuse. But when I went to [a therapist for anger management] for nine months, I never shared with her once the sexual abuse. That's how revolting it was and embarrassing. I could discuss anything and everything else, but I never once discussed it with her. How could she really help me and heal me when she didn't really know the root of my problem? The book was extremely therapeutic. It led to the process of me removing my shackles of shame.

See, how far I've come from not telling anyone, to sharing it with the entire world now, it's out. I would often do the television thing, which I'm very good at, and I would do the show on television and act normal, but in a sign of weakness, cry in my office like a baby. Not in front of my wife, not in front of my kids, but by myself at three o'clock in the morning. All my life, as a child, I've suffered the pain of an adult and as an adult, I've suffered the pain of a child. I asked myself why me? Why did my childhood have to be this way?

If you're a child, and you're reading this, my first piece of advice is that you have to tell somebody. My daughter, if she was here, she would tell you about the daddy test from when she was a little girl: "Courtney, where is no one allowed to touch you?" Dominic [my son] also. Because remember, this also happens to boys. And we need to stop this silliness that it only happens to girls. And so, it can happen to boys and it does happen to boys as much as it happens to girls. Children need to understand that no matter what type of figure is in your life, no one should be touching them, no matter what the person is telling them. Because often it's a person that you know very well. So for children, tell someone.

If you're an adult, I say again, talk to someone. Understand that you will never live a full life; you will never be free until you get help. You cannot overcome this by yourself. Particularly in the black community. Many things happen to us over the years, and we just take it in and internalize it. And then people don't understand why we're acting up and we're not doing as well as we should in school or in our job or life, and I say particularly to women of color that it's not normal for someone to sexually abuse you. It's NOT OKAY. And if it has happened, you really need to talk to somebody about it.

You can kid yourself and you might be able to kid yourself for 20 years, that it didn't bother you, that it's over. But if you're a person who has been abused, you have to tell. I cannot overemphasize it. And particularly in our community, you have to understand, there are resources, there is help. There are free services. We just take it on a mental level and then everything is all screwed up. If you are a male, the advice I have is that I know it's terribly embarrassing. But you have got to get over this macho thing about being a man. And you've got to talk to somebody because if you don't, it will destroy you.

The best way to describe it -- for the first time in my life, I'm free.