An excerpt from 'Confessions of a Rookie Cheerleader'

I STUMBLED INTO THE BOTTOM OF THE BED AND OPENED MY EYES. THE PHONE RANG again. I was half asleep, walking toward the cordless on the other side of the room. It must've been on its third ring before I realized where I was and exactly what I was doing. Between Daniel's welcome-home surprise and the bottles of Shiraz, my body was beyond exhausted. I reached for my Versace specs and looked at the clock:

4:21 a.m. "Hello. Hello?" "Good morning. Is Daniel available?" I looked at the clock again: 4:22 a.m. I pinched myself. Ow. I glanced across the room at Daniel. He hadn't moved an inch.

"Who's calling?"

"Is Daniel available?"

"Who the hell is calling?" I snapped.

"Oh, sorry; this is Shannon, his girlfriend."

My Fingers went numb and I dropped the phone. I reached down to grab it. I hadn't taken a breath since her last word and still couldn't and my air. Where was my goddamn air?! "His what?!" Found it.

I grabbed the satin periwinkle robe that matched my gown and took the phone out of the room.

"His girlfriend. You must be his sister, Hannah. Look, I have to get to work, but I wanted to tell him that I won't be able to pick him up from the airport later today. I'll be in ongoing meetings, but I'll send a car for him. Please let him know that the driver will pick him up in front of baggage claim, as usual. Sorry if I woke you, sweetie. He told me you were a light sleeper. He never keeps his cell on at night, and I didn't want to risk him not getting the message. Thanks so much."

The walls were closing in on me. A ?re was ignited in my stomach, and my feet and legs began to shake involuntarily. I balanced myself against the hallway wall and slowly slid to the ?oor, ?nally stabilizing myself on the unscathed hardwood.

"His what?! I'm sorry; did you just say that you're his girlfriend? What do you mean-as usual? The car will pick him up where exactly- as usual? What city are you in? I'm his fucking girlfriend. No, I'M HIS FUCKING FIAAANNNCCCÉ. What sister? Daniel doesn't have a fucking sister, and I am not a light fucking sleeper. Who the fuck is this? As usual? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!!!!"

What seemed like two lifetimes was a phone conversation that lasted roughly two hours. She'd been his girlfriend on and off for the past five years. Shannon. That was her name. Shannon Montgomery. Shannon was an airline executive in Atlanta. Shannon said she usually saw him twice a month. Shannon was white. Shannon was madly in love with him. So was Fisher, their two-year-old son.

Shannon was crying very hard toward the end of the conversation. The rest of my body had caught up with my Fingers and had gone numb. "But we are his family" was all I'd heard Shannon say, and what had been the brightest day of my life was suddenly murdered pitch-black.

I watched myself descend into a deep dark hole with threatening velocity. I heard nothing but piercing silence. It was loud. I couldn't make it stop. I didn't want to. I opened the frosty doors and walked to the edge of the balcony off the master bedroom and looked down-all the way down. Just how long would it be before I hit bottom? Would I make it? Would this kill me?

I closed my eyes and saw my team at Tru Records hugging both Daniel and me at my "You rock, girl-we'll all miss you" goodbye party on the rooftop at the Peninsula Hotel. They'd rented out the lavish lounge, and it was by far the hottest going-away party I'd ever been to-the "girl, you missed it" soiree of the season. There had been so much love in that room. Kimber was quite proud of me for taking the junior vice-president of marketing position with RockStar Records. She'd said that even though I was young, they couldn't have picked a better person to roll out the label in the Chicago market. Secretly, I wanted to be just as good as she was, if not better. I knew I was ready, she'd trained me well, but I never thought I would've been able to do on my own. The big move back home was supposed to be exciting and thrilling because Daniel was by my side. I hadn't doubted myself since he'd come into my life. He wouldn't let me. He was my best friend and biggest supporter through business school, through two promotions at Tru Records, and with my new gig at RockStar. And just like that-he was gone.

Published by One World/Ballantine