Back To School

Filed under: BlackSpin, Lifestyle, Love

By Tim'm T. West, Special to BlackVoices.com

I am one of the lucky ones: lucky, brave or both. This July, I celebrated my 36th birthday in the company of family, friends, and my partner Dave. The term "partner" doesn't rest well in the ears of some black families, but I am lucky. My family loves me for who I am, no matter what.

A few years ago my small, tight-knit family, consisting of two sisters and four brothers, as well as extended family, started a reunion for the generations to come. This year, being only the second time we've met, I created an online listserve, "The Blessed Wests", to shorten the distance of time and space when we are not together.

This year, I took the initiative to set the tone for the "The Blessed Wests". A gay man, I realize that getting my family to honor my partnership with Dave, a man I have known since 2004, but have only been partnered with since early 2008, might take some time. At 31, Dave is pretty new to the whole "coming out" process. Encouraged by the security of my love, and my desire to no longer love "in hiding", I'm grateful that he trusts my guidance as we aspire to build a family: a commitment ceremony, a home, and adoption are aspirations we both share.

My family is a Christian family full of preacher-men and good church women. I respect their beliefs as they respect my decision to live my life as an out gay man.

Timm West Gallery

I love my nephew DJ and niece Jasmine, like my own. They love their Uncles Tim'm and Dave as effortlessly as they loved Uncle Tim'm before Dave.

My brothers Joseph, Matthew, and David represent 3 of 4 brothers who love and support me and value family.

My partner Dave and I enjoy a moment with my young cousins Christopher (left) and Justin (right). Their mother, Cynthia, and I are more like siblings than cousins.

My cousin Cynthia, my sister Talisha, Dave, and my sister Toya pose for a shot. Their smiles say a thousand words.

Dave and I pose for a shot on the 4th of July, just days before my 36th birthday and family reunion.

I'm not certain about certain people's mother's love, but my mother, Irma Pearl Stinson, is priceless for here unconditional love and acceptance my partner, Dave.

As my mother's Family Reunion shirt suggests, "A Family that Prays Together, Stays Together".

I remain hopeful that my "family" will continue to honor the vast ways in which black families are constructed: second marriages, adopted children, long-standing friendships, and yes same-sex partnerships.

After graduating at the top of my class with scholarships to some of our nation's premier colleges, and having been a very popular student leader and athlete, coming out to my mother during my freshman year of college filled in some of the missing pieces. The burden of silence I carried as a teen, the depression, the fasting and praying for "change," and the suicide attempts for "change" proved masochistic at best.

On Sunday we made the drive from Shreveport to the outskirts of Taylor, Arkansas; a small township without a traffic light between paper mills, oil wells, and chicken plants. It is believed that Bible belt Christians, in places where the fields grow high and the roads "go dirt", are the most homophobic. I have a different experience. We arrived to the Church and received hugs from my niece and nephew. My brother-in-law, one among a few ministers in my family warmly greeted both me and Dave. There was such comfort in Dave meeting the family.

After a marathon sermon of the preacher men of my family about what it means to build a "strong house" (Mark 3:25), we gathered at the same modest three-bedroom wooden house in which we were raised. If it was crowded as children, you can imagine how quickly it filled. Midnight Starr soul train lines, "seconds" of fried chicken and potato salad, and a game of Family Feud were highlights of the day. As my family harmonized on "Happy Birthday," to help me ring in my 36th year, I made a wish that the love Dave and I were experiencing would grow-wished that my young nieces, nephews, and cousins would be part of a family tradition in which they always knew that they are welcomed home.

My mother is the rock of my family. In her quiet resolve she understands what it means for love to conquer all. We have a relationship rooted in her prayerfulness and love. My father, divorced from my mother and unable to attend the reunion, taught me toughness. While he deliberately sought to raise strong, virile, heterosexual sons, we joke that he raised, among them, one strong, virile gay man. He's proud that he raised a strong man-- one strong enough to confront the truth of my sexuality and live with its consequences, among them a shamed and confused past that led to HIV infection in 1999. My father, the same man who called us "sissies" when we missed tackles or failed to get a rebound, suggests that he would like to perform my commitment ceremony, when that time comes. My brothers, sisters, and cousins will be there. They understood that I wouldn't be me if hiding my sexuality.

Our recent gathering embodies the sum total of all our trials and triumphs. I am healthy, nearly 10 years after HIV almost claimed my life. We smile, fuss, cook, and dance like most families at reunions. We presented a powerful example of what it means to love beyond the fear of what others think. At 36, I'm as happy as I have ever been. Twenty years after I sat on the same front porch where we recently celebrated, contemplating an end to my life, I can say with full resolve and with all parts of me present: It feels good to come home!

 

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Filed under: Lifestyle, Style Spotter, Africa News

When you was a child, one of the first questions people always asked was: What is your favorite color? For many of us, although we do have a color we absolutely love, that colors may not be right for us. Colors have many different meanings and can effect you as well as everyone around you. Before we get to that do you understand what colors symbolize? Well if not let me break it down.

Blue
Blue comes in so many shades in the world around us. From the beautiful sky to the water of our oceans (technically) down to the color of some of our ink pens, the color blue is everywhere. Symbolizing peace, tranquility and being male, this color's claim to fame in fashion came with the development of denim. Nothing is like a cool blue pair of jeans to blend random colors together. Add the white tee from above and a blue Yankee fitted cap and you are good to go.

Top clothing items in Blue: Jeans, Yankee Fitted Cap

White
The ultimate color for your summer top, white is a symbol of pureness, newness and innocence. With the ability to reflect light, it helps to keep you cool on a hot day. Meshing perfectly with any outfit, you will look great all day until you get a stain. Susceptible to marks, dirty and food stains, your clean look will be ruined. Be careful when you eat while wearing white especially if its after Labor Day!

Top clothing items in white: Wedding Dress, T-Shirts, Sneakers

Pink
Totally a feminine color until recent years (shout out to Cam'Ron), Pink is gentle color. Naturally calming by nature, a pink shirt under a blue suit is a great blend for a young executive. For young ladies, why not try to blend pink with brown. Trust me it will work!

Top Clothing item in Pink: Dress Shirts

Red
When red pops up, passion and fire comes to mind. The color of love, red is by far one of the most intense and rambunctious colors. Supposedly this color increases the heart rate and hunger, red can bring the sexy out of you but it can also make you look heavier.

Top clothing item in Red: Red Pumps
Check out these pumps from Baby Phat

Purple
A symbol of royalty, purple used to be an elitist's color but has grown into a common color. Leaning more into a feminine color, purple is sure to make people stop and stare especially if you have purple shoes to match. Megastar Prince made the color popular with the song, Purple Rain.

Top Clothing item in Purple: Ties & Sneakers
Check out these MT580LLV sneakers from New Balance


Black
Black is a no-brainer color when it comes to putting an outfit together because black goes with everything. A symbol of authority, black absorbs light and is known to make one look thinner. With stains and dirt less visible than all the other colors, black transcends social status and is worn by everyone in one way or another.

Top clothing item in Black: Black Dress
Doesn't video model Tierra look great in her black dress?

Stay tuned gang because next week we will discuss blending colors in your outfit according to your complexion and eye color.

Let us know what your favorite color is and what clothing item you like to wear in that color.

Kiante The Sneaker Mann Young

 

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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.

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Filed under: Lifestyle, Style and Beauty, Style Spotter

By Hayat Mohamed, BlackVoices.com

We caught up with the fun and spunky Tasha Smith before the premiere of her new movie, 'The Longshots', and asked her to spill the beans on how she manages to stay so beautiful. Much to our surprise, she didn't hold back at all. You may want to get a pen and paper because if you're like us you'll be trying some of these tips pronto!

Smith acts alongside Ice Cube and KeKe Palmer in the film 'The Longshots' which depicts the true story of Jasmine Plummer, an 11 year-old-girl who became the first female to play in the Pop Warner football tournament in its 56-year history.

KeKe Palmer plays the role of Jasmine and Smith plays her mother, Claire Plummer, in the film. "I think the film has a lot of heart," said Smith. "As you see the story you see how the life and energy of the town changes just because of this little girl's transformation." 'The Longshots' hits theaters August 22.

The College Survival Guide

A Fridge
Regardless of whether you have a wonderful sized meal plan, your fridge may come in handy with leftovers or when you feel like stocking it with bottled drinks.

Computer
The convenience of a computer is essential when sending your kids off to college. Forget the hike to the computer lab across campus students need a computer in the comfort of their room. A printer comes in handy as well. Depending on whether your child plans to carry his laptop around campus, you might opt for a desk top since they're lighter on the pockets.

Snacks
You will surely survive with off of a meal plan but it doesn't hurt to stock up on snacks when you don't feel like leaving your dorm room. Bottled water, pop corn, cereal and Ramen noodles are all low budget snacks to stock up on. Just be weary of the freshman 15.

Things from home
Some college students suffer from homesickness the first year. It's best to surround yourself with things like photos of the family, pillows or even stuffed animals. Anything that reminds your child of home.

MP3 Player
With all the stress that comes from school and exams, sometimes it's nice to block out the chaos in your life and even your roommate with music. It's nearly impossible to find students walking to class who aren't jamming to tunes.

Budget
Students who enter college often come in at the ripening age of 18. A great time for credit cards. Parents beware, your child may end up ruining their credit at a young age

Alarm Clock
When you're in college you don't have the luxury of getting awaken by your parents. It's now your responsibility to get to class on time so alarm clocks are a must. But keep your roommate in mind. You shouldn't wake him up ever morning with a blow horn alarm.

Cleaning supplies
Now you don't necessarily need to bring in the rubber gloves, mop and gas mask but it doesn't hurt to bring along Clorox all purpose wipes for spills or dust. Vacuums and brooms come in handy too depending if you have a carpeted dorm.

Bedding
What most parents aren't aware of is that most college beds are twin sized but extra long and require special sheets. When shopping keep your eye open for sheets that clearly state 'extra long' or else your child may come up short.

Shower shoes
You really don't know what some people do in the shower these days. College showers are known to be creeping with germs so spare yourself the fungus and purchase flip flops for the shower. You'll thank us later!

What are you wearing tonight to the premiere?

I think I'm wearing a Bagley Mischka royal purple dress. If I don't wear that then it will be a Nicole Miller in purple as well. It's all about purple! Oh and some Jimmy Choo shoes.

What fashion beauty trends have you recently jumped on?

Gladiator shoes and I'm trying to ease into the mini skirt. As long as my legs are, my legs have never been something I've truly embraced but I'm trying to let the girls out.

Whose style are you really diggin' these days?

I love Rihanna's look from head to toe. I think her style is so cool, funky and designer chic all wrapped into one.

How would you describe your own style?

I've been more on the clean and girly look with a lot of dresses and what not. I've been doing the clean straightforward, elegant look. You could call it the fun elegant look.

What's your daily skin regimen?

Olay Henderson face wash and there's this cream that I've found that is incredible, it's like magic. It's a little on the pricey side but it's the best stuff I've ever used. It's called Diamond Cream by Natura Bissa, it's a line out of Spain. You can only get it at Nieman's and it's amazing. They have a great face wash as well and sometimes I go back and forth between Olay Henderson's face wash and Natura Bissa's face wash as well as their cream. At night time, I wash my face with either Natura Bisse or Olay Henderson but the trick for night time is Carol's Daughter face butter. It's truly butter for the face! It keeps the skin so vibrant in the morning. People are always saying "Oh my God your skin is just glowing!" It's very thick but it conditions the face and it's the best.



What are your favorite make-up products?

I go for the natural look but I have to tell you, Laura Mercier has an amazing liquid foundation that's very light and very sheer as well as Bobby Brown's liquid foundation. I've been trying to do not as much powder. I like to have a bit of the dewiness going on because sometimes I feel that powder just accents every wrinkle you could possibly think of having. It gets up in every nook and cranny! I feel like less powder under the eyes the better because it doesn't dry out the eye as much. Bobby Brown has an incredible concealer that I use as well.

Do you think it's difficult to for women with dark skin to find make-up that matches?

No, not at all! I have always found that one color never works; you have to mix it to get the color you want. Whenever I sit down to get my make-up done and the make-up artists has one color and thinks she's going to use that all over my whole face, she not doing her thing right! That doesn't work and I'm not having it.

What is your ideal hairstyle?

I change my hair like I change my underwear girl. My natural hair is very thick and with me trying to work out, sometimes it's difficult for me to manage because after sweating out at the gym with a recent press, my roots become frizzy or if I have a perm, dampening the hair and trying to figure that out isn't so fun. I'm not a girl that likes living in the hair salon every two weeks. I don't do that, I need some hair that I can manage even when I'm at the gym. So I find weaves to be more manageable, it's a convenience thing for me. Sometimes my hair is inconsistent because every time it's time for me to change my weave always I'm trying something new. Right now I'm wearing these individual twists which are fun and it worked for the summer. This is really my summer look although it isn't the clean and chic look that I like. I love the straight hair, blown out with a nice cut. I'm missing my weave and I was also enjoying the bang, so I'm think I'm going back to the bang; long straight side, nice bang.



What are your makeup don'ts?

I say don't wear black lipstick and black liner. That black or dark brown lip liner, that's not blended in with the pink or peach lipstick. That to me is a ghetto no no!

What beauty product can you just not live with out?

I couldn't live without my diamond cream, or my Carol Daughter's face butter.

What are some beauty secrets that you have, home regimens?

Queen Helene! Your grandmother has probably heard of it. You can find it in any drugstore, Rite Aid or CVS drugstore. Queen Helene is a line from back in the day. They have great cocoa butter that is just amazing and they have a great face scrub. Their apricot scrub and oatmeal scrub are great and they have an awesome mud mask. Queen Helene is the best. My home facial regimen is Queen Helene. And I don't care how expensive you go, nothing is going to top Queen Helene. Queen Helene is between $2.99-$3.99. Some of their products include: a mud pack mask, Apricot Moisturizing facial mask, Vitamin C and Honey peel off mask and the Apricot Scrub. Queen Helene leaves your skin glowing. You'll spend $12 on all of it!

 

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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.

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Filed under: Lifestyle, Style Spotter

There is just something about those boys who dress to impress with Sean John blazers, tailored-fit pants and raw silk ties. And there is something so simply, sexy about those Cali boys who can throw on a vintage tee, a pair of baggy, skinny jeans and Converse sneakers without socks, with little ease. And of course who can forget the boys who bring fashion to the masses, with their intricate wrapped scarves, b-boy style-80s-freshness and Louis Vuitton accessories.

Style maniac Fonzworth Bentley, new artist Schwayze and fashion sensi to Kanye West, Ibn Jasper are the fashion boys of the moment. They each bring a fashion approach to dressing, which this Style Spotter so appreciates. What do you think?

Fonzworth Bentley

Shwayze

Ibn Jasper

As the current host of MTV's new show from G's to Gents, Bentley continues to serve us with impeccable style. The exquisite fit of his clothing, the smart way he brings his ensemble together and his genuine fierceness has allowed Bentley to be one of the best dressed men in Hip Hop.

Shwayze is most definitely the cute, new boy on the block. He has partnered with Cisco Adler, (Google him. Trust me, his bio will give you a "long" giggle,) to create a fantastic whimsical album made for summertime loving and endless partying. Why? "Just because," would most likely be Shwayze's answer for almost any question posed to him. Shwayze has that same unapologetic attitude towards his style. Keep it simple, easy, laid back and let it flow. His self-titled album came out this week and he is currently the star of Buzzin', an MTV reality show of Shwayze and his group of friends trying to make it in the music industry.

Cisco Adler on the right

Not many of you would know who Ibn Jasper is, but he is one dope dude to watch since he is Kanye West's Image Consultant. Ibn recently did an interview for Limite Magazine where he stated: "My new thing is that I want to be so fresh that it offends people. I want people to feel a little disrespected when I show up with the clothes I have on." Indeed.

 

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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.

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Filed under: Hair Apparent, Lifestyle

For those looking to add strength and moisture to their hair, deep conditioning on a consistent basis is key.

If you are looking to start deep conditioning on a consistent basis or just looking for new conditioners to try, I compiled a list of popular deep conditioners. Most of these product can be found online or in your local beauty supply store or shopping center.

Moisture Based Deep Conditioners - For dry, dull, brittle and breaking hair. For best results, use weekly under heat.

For hair that is not experiencing significant breakage or dryness but needs a little boost in moisture, alternate between deep conditioning with a moisture based conditioner and light protein based conditioner each week.

• Mizani Moisturefuse
• Keracare Humecto
• Kenra Moisturizing Conditioner
• Keracare Conditioner for Color-Treated Hair
• Crème of Nature Nourishing Conditioner
• Atone Botanicals Reconstructer
• Jason Sea kelp
• Redken Real Control

• Aubrey Conditioners
• Joico Moisture Recovery
• Elucence MB Conditioner
• Jane Carter Replenishing Conditioner
• Phytonectar and jojoba conditioners
• Neutrogena Triple Moisture Daily Deep Conditioner
• Pantene Relaxed and natural mask
• Nexxus Humectress
• Hydratherapie by Biolage
• Giovanni Smooth as Silk Conditioner
• Joico Moisture Intensive Treatment Extra Conditioning Conditioner
• Aveda Dry Remedy

Protein Based Conditioners (Light/Medium) - For limp, lifeless, thinning and overly elastic hair. For best results, use a light protein conditioner weekly until hair regains strength and body.

For hair that is not experiencing significant thinning or inelasticity but needs a little extra strength, alternate between deep conditioning with a moisture based conditioner and light protein based conditioner each week.

• Aphogee 2 minute Reconstructer
• Neutrogena Triple Moisture Deep Recovery Mask
• Aveda Damage Remedy Conditioner
• Mane and Tail Original Conditioner
• Ors Replenishing Pac
• Aubrey GPB
• Nexxus Keraphix
• Phytospecific Intense Nutrition
• Motions CPR (med)
• ORS Hair Mayo (med)
• Vitale Pro Super Conditoner

Protein Based Conditioners (High) - For severly damaged hair. For best results, use once every 4-6 weeks under heat. Must be followed up with a moisturizing conditioner!

• Nexxus Emergencee
• Aphogee Treatment for Damaged Hair
• Joico K-Pak reconstructer
• Mizani Kerafuse

Combination - Moisture and Protein Based Conditioners - For damaged hair. May still need to follow with additional moisture based conditioner, depending on hair's needs.

• Mizani Fufyl
• Affirm 5 and 1

I hope this list is helpful for people looking for products to deep condition with on a regular basis. For more information on when to use a protein conditioner v. moisturizing conditioner, click here.

As always, you can find me at www. healthytextures.com or on my social network (over 5,300 relaxed, natural and texlaxed women of color sharing healthy hair tips and techniques) at www.healthytextures.ning.com.

 

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SPONSORED BY: BOLD MOVES: THE FUTURE OF FORD Step behind the curtain at Ford Motor. Experience the documentary first-hand.

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