Love in the Office
By Stacy Gilliam, Special to AOL BlackVoices
It started out as casual flirting at the copy machine. Winks and glances turned into romantic e-mails. A first date flourished into regular after-work outings. Eventually, you and your co-worker were in a full-fledged fling.
On-the-job romances are more common than ever before, so you’re not in the minority. Love experts say that with our jam-packed work schedules, the office becomes a breeding ground for coupling, by default.
"We have to look at the reality," says Toni Coleman, a singles relationship coach who founded www.consum-mate.com. "People spend so much time at work, especially singles, and the workplace is where a lot of their friends are made and where their support systems come from."
Dating on the job is convenient and sweet. Really, there’s something nice about seeing the object of your affection each day. But workplace romances are risky adventures, too. Should the relationship go south, in an ugly way, you’re forced to see that person five days a week.
So maybe he cheated on you, but you still have to respect him professionally. And guess what? If your relationship is public knowledge, your breakup becomes fodder for watercooler gossip. Now, if you can separate your relationship life from your work life, then you’re equipped to handle an office romance. But if you head down that road, proceed with sensible caution by following a few simple rules by the experts.
--Make sure you and your office honey aren’t breaking any company policies by dating each other, Coleman says. For example, some employers discourage supervisors from dating subordinates. No need to lose your job over what may be a short-term romance.
--Be upfront and discuss boundaries. "Both of you should agree to have a strictly professional relationship at work. You address each other professionally, there’s no touching and no innuendo," Coleman advises. Leave love at home and work at work for a successful relationship, she adds.
--Keep the details of your relationship away from even your closest work buddies. "Say nothing and do nothing that you do not want everyone else to know about," says April Masini, author of the critically acclaimed "Ask April" advice column on AskApril.com online magazine, and the best-selling book, ‘Date Out of Your League.’ "This means no chit-chat with the girls about his size or performance, and no pillow talk with him about how much you loathe your boss and can’t wait to take over his or her job."
--Don’t expect special treatment in the office, Coleman says. You don’t want to alienate your co-workers by allowing them to think you’re getting ahead because of who you happen to be dating.
--If Cupid somehow mismatched you, and the romance fizzles, do what’s best for you and your career. Are you so emotionally scarred that it’s affecting your job? Then, consider leaving the department or company, Coleman says. At best, talk to a trusted professional at work. If you can handle the breakup, continue work as usual.
Lastly, experts say to have fun, but be mature. Work brought you to this person, but don’t allow it to consume what you were paid to do -- your job.